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Post by rolandmendraka on May 30, 2011 12:14:16 GMT -6
Roland finished off the food after having obviously having been rather hungry and didn't really care about the flavor since he had ate way worse. With many different rumors going around lately, it was hard to tell what was up and down for him. Making sure to keep his cool now while in Alexis's presence, he figured it must be hell right now to her to have him staying here. If she wanted, he could leave, but she had indeed offered him this place to stay. Wondering where indeed the guest room was so he could sleep to discuss more of his adventures in the morning when he wasn't so tired.
Roland was more likely to snap right now, especially since when you were tired it was hard to talk about anything, and he figured that would have been the end of the conversation by then. Even with his slightly higher thinking, he was considering just giving up his own profession to actually do something that let him legitly take out dark wizards. Roland, really hadn't killed anyone, he only knocked out the guards at the breeder's place, and most of the others were locked away with Azkaban, "I have to admit, I'd probably talk more in the morning about my endeavors, but most of the wizards I've met have been sent to azkaban, as I'm sure the breeder would have been as I don't think I actually killed him. Even if I say I did, doesn't mean I really did," he said truthfully.
Maybe that would make her think less of him, but even so, he did try keeping most of his victims alive when he was after them. Only incapacitating them so they could move again, and he just realized he was talking about it again as those memories would forever haunt him. Just like how it still haunted him, and would cling to him that he had left his friends behind to pursue his own goals. Selfish, inconsiderate bastard that he was, but he considered this to be part of a higher plan. Karma was just getting him back for all the wrongs he had ended up committing.
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Post by lexi on Jun 27, 2011 8:05:35 GMT -6
A faint smile appeared on her face as he ate the food. Having him there made the whole 15 odd years seem only like a mere few minutes. How easy it was to slide right back into being friends after so long and yet she wasn’t happy with that. She wanted more answers, she wanted him to feel the anguish she had gone through, that his other friends and his mother had gone through.
She whisked the plate away after he finished eating, setting it to washed, dry and put itself back in the cupboard with magic. Ah magic, what would she do without it or if she had no magic she wouldn’t be where she was today, nor would she have met Roland. He begun talking again, explaining that he'd probably end up telling her more about his adventures in the morning.
Morning, darn it, she thought. She had work in the morning, perhaps if she went in for an hour or so then come home things would be fine. And now he just confused the hell out of her, if he said he killed someone, he meant he might not have done it. Well it was simple, you either killed someone or not, there was no ifs or buts about that subject. Well besides Dementors but they were a whole other story. She blinked at him, decided to confuse herself more by asking him. Perhaps it was because she was tired, having worked a long shift already, she would have already been in bed, most likely having fallen asleep with a book in her hands.
"I might not be here when you wake up in the morning. I have an early morning shift at the hospital," she spoke, not too sure exactly when he got up. She herself got up extra early usually so she could catch up with the night shift at the hospital.
"If you're wondering where the spare bedroom is, it’s down the hallway and the first door on the left. The bathroom is the next door on the right and my room is at the end should you need anything."
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Post by rolandmendraka on Jun 27, 2011 18:26:38 GMT -6
As the lights hit his eyes it looked like two dark bags under both of them as if he hadn't gotten any sleep at all in the past year. Even as he considered her kindness to put him at ease, he was still troubled, and he would have to explain more in the morning about how he didn't kill the man he thought he did. After all, it was the ministry that had the answer to that, and the auror that had taken the gentleman away surely had been well-trained too. Considering there was no traces left of a fight even being held there when he went back to see if any dragon eggs were left remaining. Most of the house had been burnt to the ground to destroy any evidence of something having gone down.
Roland had often wondered if it was dumb luck that had saved his miserable ass, or if he really had killed the mysterious One-Eyed Jack. Rumor had it that he was rotting away in Azkaban, until the Dementors were called off, and why would anyone want to use the Dementors still. The only fools brave enough to take on a wizard without a wand were the usual fools, but he doubted that some other magical creature would take their place. Surely, on the side of good instead of evil, as they had learned their mistake last time. Or so the rumors went, but he was now focused on Alexis.
It certainly was nice to see her again, but he didn't have a smile anymore as his eyes showed just how tired he really was. No sleep for a few days tended to do that to your soul and he was worn out from all of his travels. Even the bags under his eyes were subsiding as his eyelids suddenly felt like two hundred tons and they shut themselves on the spot. Luckily, he was able to stay awake long enough to hear her talking about a bed or something, as his ears picked up on those words. Soon he whispered a cherished memory she would not soon forget, "G'night Lexi, don't stay up too late, you got work in the morning, thanks for the meal and bed," was all he managed to mutter as his tired body seemed to be settling in finally.
One thing was certain, if there was any way of getting out of here, he would have to fake falling asleep to do it. Although, somehow, he knew she'd be watching for a good ten minutes before she went to sleep to make sure he didn't leave again. Not that he would need to, since he had ditched her in the first place for fifteen years of torture that still rack his nerves to this day. If anyone wanted to trade shoes with him, he would be glad to do it, as his mind wandered he waved to Alexis as he then moved down to the spare bedroom. Taking off just the right amount of clothing to leave a robe on as he drifted off to sleep on the bed, covering himself up with the covers.
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Post by lexi on Jul 11, 2011 8:34:35 GMT -6
"G'night Lexi, don't stay up too late, you got work in the morning, thanks for the meal and bed."
Words that would stay with her for a long time but deep down a nagging feeling had begun, almost like those words was his was of saying goodbye again. She couldn’t handle that, not again. He already shattered her heart, she only managed to fix it again, she didn’t want to go through all that again. She told herself she'd check on him before she went to work, to make sure he was still there and that she hadn’t dreamt of this whole thing. Oh how cruel it would be if that was the case, to have dreamt the entire thing. Maybe she shouldn’t go to work and just stay home. Sadly she couldn’t. Taking one long look at him, she bid him goodnight before she slowly made her way to her bedroom, her owl hooting from its perch out near the kitchen. So the bird was staying there, that was fine, she thought as she left her bedroom door open ajar in case he felt like coming in.
Lexi yawned but it wasn’t because she was tired. Having seen him, having him near her had done something and it prevented her from sleeping. Taking the white bath robe off, she slipped into bed, waving her hand to turn off her lights as she laid on her side in the dark. Her hand resting on the spare pillows on the other side of the bed, the side that always remained cold. Her mind wouldn’t shut off, instead it was determined to go through everything that had happened that night. Her fingers curled around the pillow tightly and before she knew it a tear drop had fallen onto the bed. Grabbing the pillow, she drew it up to her face, clutching it to her body. More and more tears came and should couldn’t help the little sobs that came from her mouth. What if he heard, she wondered as she tried hard to remain silent whilst she cried. She needed to let everything go, to have a good cry.
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Post by rolandmendraka on Jul 11, 2011 8:51:17 GMT -6
Roland had drifted off to sleep, unable to keep himself awake any longer as he literally face-planted onto the bed, letting his anger well up had not been a good thing. Even as many dreams were going to haunt his vestige, and he knew that was the price he had to pay for the many lives he had ruined. Well, it was the ones that he had punished and tortured a little before handing them over to the Ministry of Magic he remembered. There were even some people who didn't deserve any punishment at all and he had regretted even stepping foot near their property to punish them. It was his employer's wish half the time, as to what he had done, of course Roland had shed most of his clothes to actually get in the bed.
Visions flooded through his brain as his eyes had closed, but he was just left in what he could describe as a torn under-shirt along with boxers that needed to stay on. After all, it wasn't like him to just walk into someone's place without first confronting them as to why he was there. Even if Alexis had accepted him into her life again, there was something vague about making it up to her. That was all that he remembered for the moment, and then his dream haunted him once more. The same one he had ever since his brother had die, entering that forsaken world he could never escape. It was just the same as all the others, another nightmare meant to torment him from deep within.
Was it all the guilt that drove him to this point whenever he ended up in a dream-state, and that's why he never slept much. Yet, he was hoping visiting his friends would relinquish these dreams and make them stop, yet he had considered having these memories or dreams removed from his mind. Hating to remind himself every time he looked into the past, and now the dream was getting out of hand. Tossing and turning, the bed itself was probably screeching along the floor with how powerful he was tossing. Yet, on the bed he wasn't moving at all, and it was odd that within his mind he was within the same place on the bed. This dream was far too intense to be considered deja vu as he opened his eyes within the dream.
Feeling around for any sentient being to see if he could get them to pinch him to wake himself up, but that normally didn't work with Roland. Even as his words that escaped his lisp rose into the air, and the same ones were uttered from his lips, tears welling down his face. "BROTHER! Where ARE you?" was all he said in his sleep. It was loud enough that Alexis would be able to hear the terror in his voice as well, and then he watched his brother's murder before him again. Over and over, until it replayed in his mind to the point he clutched the sheets yelling as he sat up bolt-right. Tears still streaming down his cheeks and attempted rubbing them away, thinking he had given up on crying.
Apparently the water-works had started up again, due to restraining all of his emotions just for the love of his brother, and he attempted to close his eyes again. Sniffling slightly, he was ashamed of himself for having let go of his emotions, especially in the presence of Alexis's house. Mistaking her sobbing for his own after he had finished, he wiped his tears away, although he was sure she would be able to tell he was hurting much worse than what he had told her. Not having mentioned the nightmares. Drifting off to sleep was going to be hard unless he told her about this, but he really didn't want her worrying anymore about him.
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Post by lexi on Jul 19, 2011 6:48:15 GMT -6
She couldn’t get to sleep. Her tears had all but dried up and she was left clinging to the pillow, staring into the darkness of her room. It frustrated her and so she turned on her back and forced the pillow on top of her head. It would be a perfect time to scream, to have it muffled by the pillow. But she couldn’t even bring herself to do that. It was like she had gone numb inside. Who knew that seeing him could do this to her, perhaps it would have been better for him not to show up, to make her keep thinking he was dead or something. But this...this was a whole new feeling for her, one she didn’t like. She just felt so dead and exhausted like all those years of not seeing or hearing from him had finally been lifted from her shoulders only to leave her weak. Yes that was how she saw herself, a weak person.
She huffed in frustration as she tore the pillow from her face and threw it against the wall, hearing it hit something from the table on the other side, knocking it over. It was most likely her capped ink bottle and she sighed, about to throw back the covered to go and straighten it when she heard him. She bolted upright in bed. Her ears straining to hear if he said anything else but that was all she got. And it was enough. She could detect the pain in his voice, any properly trained healer could and so she slid out of bed, her ink bottle forgotten about, if it leaked she could always use a spell to clean it up later. She moved to her door and peered out, maybe he had woken up already, but she could hear sniffling and sobbing and it broke her heart. He was in just as much pain as she was, hurting just like her. Tip toeing to his room, she pushed the door open ajar and peeked in. The room was dark and, all she could see was the faint outline of him in bed against the darkness of the room. If only she had brought her wand with her she could cast the Lumos charm. So cupping her hand, she created a tiny flame to see as she pushed the door open more, lightly stepping inside the room.
"Ro," she called out softly, unaware that she had used the old nickname she always used for him as a teenager. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she opened the draw on the bedside table, pulling a small empty jar out in which she set the flame inside it. Her eyes gazed at him, seeing the tracks his own tears had left on his cheeks. Reaching out, she gently touched his cheek, wiping away the remainder of his tears.
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Post by rolandmendraka on Jul 21, 2011 8:00:23 GMT -6
Roland wasn't just sobbing up as he wiped away his tears, and even as he sobered up a little more his eyes cracked open a little further as he looked towards her with an uneven smile. Curiously enough he wasn't going to just let this slide at all since he knew she had been hurting as much as him and he realized just how much she cared for him. Throwing himself on her door-step was like a punch to her face without even any consideration for how she would react, sending an owl first of all would have been the first step to rekindling their friendship. Surely, that would have made things ten times as easy, and his brother still haunted him to this day.
There was no way around the haunting nightmares that always crept upon him, and he was now able to see the bigger picture. Even after having finally attempting to get some sleep, he wished he could go back in time and forget all of those memories back when he was living joyfully with his friends. Too far into the future would it be when he would reveal himself to the Ministry if Alexis would even let her leave the house, but he wasn't going to leave ever. Yet, he had to at least visit his other friends to show he was still alive. Now as he considered the past and how brutally it had been brought up in his mind, he couldn't stay awake long enough to remember any details anymore.
When another person was beside him he felt more comfortable and with Alexis, he'd rather be by hers side than alone. Watching her turn on the candle-light as he realized she had entered the room while he had been staring down at his hands looking at the palms of them still covered in what had contained his tears. Soon wiping them off on the side of his face and then looking over towards her he raised an eyebrow. "Alexis, I don't want you to see me like this, I haven't been able to sleep at all that well the past fifteen years, ever since his death. I still cant cope with it, I pretend to be strong, but on the inside I'm tearing myself apart. There's nothing I can do to change the fact, I just wish I could go back in time and change it. Although if I do, there's no chance in hell changing history will help at all since it was usually always pre-ordained to begin with." he said to her.
Finally getting a full confession from him about what he was really feeling and having considered the loss had bared on him greatly. Not even going to another person for comfort would have helped, but he felt a full swash of relief move over him as he said this to Alexis. It was like a fog had lifted and he could sleep again, however he gave her his first genuine smile he had in a while as he then moved the tear-streaked stains away. "Why are you still up anyways, young miss!?" he changed his tone to a more joking one, and then attempted to feign the innocence he had long lost in those hard-worn years.
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Post by lexi on Aug 2, 2011 0:43:34 GMT -6
Brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Why oh why did she have to become a healer and why could she not resist those needing help? Sometimes her chosen career was a curse to her but in the end she wouldn’t have it any other way. She shook her head, wanting to quiet him as soon as he starting talking. She put it down to the fact that he wasn’t used to someone caring for him...well that was his own fault, but still. Her heart went out to him as he spilled his own feelings, saying how he hadn’t been able to sleep well. He had no one to talk to, no one to help him. He had carried this burden all on his own and damn him, if he had told her what he was doing when they were still in Hogwarts she would have blindly followed him. She wouldn’t have cared if she didn’t finish school nor cared if she got a decent job, as long as she was able to help him. But she understood why he done it, he wanted to not only protect her but also his friends.
She drew him into her arms, cradling his head to her shoulder, allowing him to get it all out if he needed to. Perhaps just telling someone was all he needed. Still she was determined to show him that she was there for him and that she wasn’t going to let him go as easily as she had back in Hogwarts. She let him go after a while and caught the smile on his face. She returned the smile with her own and chuckled at his words. Who was he to ask her what she was still doing up in her own home?
"I couldn’t sleep," she spoke softly after a while, "My mind's too active. Don't worry about me though." Alexis looked as him, "it’s you I’m more worried about."
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Post by rolandmendraka on Aug 2, 2011 18:28:35 GMT -6
Roland must have been daft about her feelings for him because he considered that he had no one to carry this burden with him. Now he was just looking for comfort from whomever was willing to offer it towards him, and was glad when he realized that there was at least a few that had forgiven him. Sighing lightly he soon just went with this, and held her close to him for a moment or two even going as far to look into her eyes. Playing games with people wasn't really his thing, but he had enjoyed it for the time he had been away. Memories still ate at him with how he had -abandoned- his friends in a sense.
Deciding it would be best to just go with this while he could still get this much out of her and he finally nodded to her. Wondering what it really had been like without him, but he could change time if he had one of those hourglasses or any of the others could if they really wanted to alter his life in any way. Surely it would have just lead to a different death in retaliation for somehow interfering in the plans to keep them from worrying about him. Surely, that could have inevitably also saved his brother from an untimely death that didn't need to be. Tears formed at his eyes once more at that thought and then realized...he -could- save his brother if he could tamper with time. Of course, such objects were rather rare considering how powerful they were.
"I know this sounds weird, but I did think of a way I could save my brother, where I don't have to disappear forever, but it would actually screw up the time flow I'm sure. Not everything always works out in the end I suppose. No...I shouldn't do that, what's lost is lost and meant to stay that way. I can't make everything right in the world by off-setting the entire balance like that. Lexi, why can't I think straight about any of this, when I had been so level-headed while taking out a whole illegal trade by myself," he said to her, chuckling when she had commented on him questioning her about her waking up too.
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Post by lexi on Aug 11, 2011 21:36:17 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 387 ( TAGGED ) ROLAND ( STATUS ) COMPLETE Some probably thought she was crazy, taking in someone that she hadn’t seen in over fifteen years, others probably thought she was suicidal. But she wasn’t as weak as people thought she was, well at least she thought she wasn’t until she laid eyes on him for the first time earlier. Maybe she was crazy and stupid. But he made her weak, he had made her cry her heart out and feel things she didn’t believe she could feel again.
The silence between them felt like forever. The flickering flame, making shadows dance everywhere seemed to make that silence a heavy one. And then he spoke. But he wasn’t making much sense. Save his brother, not disappear forever. But his brother was dead and he had disappeared for what had felt like forever. Heck she thought he was dead as well. Damn it, why wasn’t he making sense. And then it clicked as she listened more to him. A time turner. She leaned back. No, he couldn’t use one of them, she refused to let him. Playing with time was not something she cared for anyone to do. He must have been thinking the same as her and she sighed softly in relief. He was correct, what had happened in the past stayed in the past. Who knows what would happen if he altered time, perhaps she would have gone with him, or that his brother had been the one to get a drink. Heck she probably would never have gotten her job. That was a selfish thought; she knew but couldn’t help it float in her mind for a moment.
She snapped out of her own thoughts when he said her name, well her nickname. Even though her friends and even work colleagues used it all the time, it seemed different with him saying it. Why couldn't he think, it was simple wasn’t it. Everything was catching up to him, he had made contact with at least her and hopefully he'd seek out his other friends as well.
"Because everything is changing," she spoke softly, glancing down at the floor. Everything was changing, not just for him and her but for the lives of his friends as well, it was changing and he didn’t seem to have as much control over it like he used to.
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Post by rolandmendraka on Aug 15, 2011 15:34:16 GMT -6
Roland was sitting there on the bed realizing he was crying...CRYING in front of his old friend and didn't want to seem like a big baby. What the hell had happened over to him over the years that made him who he was? Where was his hidden emotions that had been welling up deep within him, the frustration of not being able to take vengeance on the one that had mortified him thanks to his brother's death. Pain was something he had long since forgotten and the memory of that pain was almost too much to bear. Alexis knew fully well what he was going through, surely she had attended the funeral he had laid out for himself. Everyone believed he was dead, but as far as anyone knew he had shunned his old family.
Mainly just his father, as his mother was still out there and mourning her dead son that had yet to return her. Of course, she considered that Roland had set up his own death for the sake of his friends to not worry at all about him. A ploy only a clever mind could actually conjure up without being detected and he hated to be interrupted during one of his plans by -anyone-. In fact there had been a few times when some of his own concoctions had been jumbled up by some outside trying to figure out who he was. Mainly those pesky journalists that wanted to have a conversation with the infamous Rollo that had popped up out of nowhere.
"Alexis, I'm Rollo too," he finally said to her, not sure if the name had any meaning to her, but in the past fifteen years rumors of a vigilante wizard had started up as he started calling himself Rollo. Even after his own funeral, he still used the name, and he got further away from home as the traces of him seemed to vanish. The Ministry would indeed be after him if they -had- even caught a scent from him that was dangerous, but he left nothing behind as evidence. All, but his journal entries were what he had, and as for his journal that was still lost in limbo out there. IN fact, if winter hit soon, that means the pages would be a little more worn now.
"Sorry, I just blurted that out of nowhere, I promise...on Merlin's beard that I won't ever leave you again, or any of our friends...I'm going...to make a better life now," he said to her, honestly.
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Post by lexi on Sept 4, 2011 23:12:06 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 446 ( TAGGED ) ROLAND ( STATUS ) COMPLETE She assumed that all he needed was to be held and comforted, but instead he carried on, saying something about Rollo. She wasn’t paying attention; she didn’t want any more information at this time. She needed to but her head before her heart this time; like she did with the patients at the hospital and so she held a hand up as if to silence him.
"Enough! I don't want to hear anymore, at least not tonight," she spoke, her words trailing off. She had already soaked up too much information; too much that she knew she'd forget some to make room for thoughts that would pop into her mind. She didn’t want anymore, she needed time to process the other information he had given her, she needed time.
He opened his mouth again and she was ready to tell him off when he apologised. Well now at least he wasn’t trying to overload her already overloaded brain with more things. An apology was...nice. He promised he wouldn’t leave her again, or any of his friends. Ok so he wouldn’t leave, but what was to say that she or his friends would leave him, some had to have past that breaking point of caring about him. Still she would believe that he'd stay when she saw it, but as of now, she was just...relieved that he was alive. He was going to make a better life, well she hoped he would, what would have been the point of coming back here only to cause more torment and suffering for all parties involved.
There was absolutely no way she was going to be able to sleep now. She'd be up all night worrying whether or not he was getting a good night sleep whilst trying to sort through all the info he had given her. Maybe she ought to owl the hospital and tell them that she wasn’t going to go in until much later, or not at all. They knew how to reach her if there was a dire emergency at the hospital. She had faith in her staff thought; she knew that between the lot of them, they could work things out.
Raising a hand, she cupped his cheek, her thumb caressing his skin.
"I'm going to hold you to that promise," she spoke, a ghost of a smile appearing on her face, "But you must promise me something in return. Promise me you won't do anything reckless again and that if you feel like you need to that you'll talk to friends first; don't push us away this time. There's only so much a person can take before the cut all ties with someone." any and all notes can go here |
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Post by rolandmendraka on Sept 6, 2011 14:44:19 GMT -6
Roland was about to do something he wished he had done way earlier and this time his face wasn't full of tears now. Even as he let his whole body stiffen just a little from the contact of her hand across his face and brought back even more memories. Long ago, back when they were in their sixth year, he had found a flower and had brought it to her as a gift until he found out she was actually not interested in him in that way. Well, that's what he thought when she rejected the flower, but didn't realize she thought of it as a mundane gift compared to what he could have given her. Roland was also too busy with school to even attempt giving her the flower then, and had ended up dropping it in the hallway when he was about to be late for one of his classes.
That was the only time he had ever messed up his relationship previously in the past, and then a year later he had almost asked her out until it was too late by the time he found out his brother was dead. The image of him hanging on that tree was going to take a while to get used to, but he wouldn't get rid of the nightmare unless he fought his own fear. Memories like that were going to be his downfall, but now he was steeling his own mind against that memory so it would never show itself again. Mentally preparing himself for the worst over fifteen years had made him very susceptible to practicing what he wanted people to see and what he didn't want them to see. It was a vague defense, but he could at least resist for a little while unless they tried to force their thoughts completely onto him.
As those thoughts bombarded him he almost forgot where he was as he suddenly pressed his lips against Lexi's and soon felt his body shifting towards her own. Pulling her closer as he let his arms wrap around her letting his own feelings get the better of him as he slowly pulled away just a little after doing that knowing he had been out of hand to do that. Rather having had asked her to do it, but he did apologize for that after too. "You know what? I love you, Alexis, and I promise to never ever leave you or my friends high and dry like that ever again," was all he said to her, not wanting to spark anything further if he hadn't already.
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Post by lexi on Oct 9, 2011 22:15:48 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 416 ( TAGGED ) ROLAND ( STATUS ) COMPLETE He had grown quiet, was he contemplating on what she had said. Well she didn’t think that there needed to be any thoughts involved. Maybe he didn’t think he could keep the promise. Who was she kidding, he had already left once, it would be so easy for him to do it again. Maybe she ought to get up and leave him alone in the room, it seemed the right thing to do, but before she could move, his lips were on hers.
Lexi sat there frozen. Too long had she waited for his kiss and now she couldn’t move, it was only when he shifted and pulled her closer that she found her mouth moving on its own accord. Her hands rested on his shoulders, whether they were planning to push him away or not, she couldn’t quiet work out. As soon as the kiss began it stopped. She didn’t know what to feel. Joy, anger, love, it was all there and yet not at the same time. It was like she was numb inside. She blinked once, twice yet could seem to focus on anything.
"You know what? I love you, Alexis, and I promise to never ever leave you or my friends high and dry like that ever again," She heard him speak. So that was his way of promising...wait what did he just say, he loved her. Did he think that made up for everything that happened, by saying 'I love you'. To her it didn’t, it complicated things even more so. To know that he loved her yet done all these terrible things, it was like she was on an emotional and mental rollercoaster ride.
She had no idea how long she sat there in silence. Her mind trying to piece together everything that was and had been. It had been 15 years and whilst she still loved him, could she still say that she was in love with him? There was a difference and she needed to work it out.
"I..." she paused, what could she say. In romance books, it never seemed so hard when the characters were put in this situation, but then those books never said how hard real life was meant to be.
"I...I should go," she spoke. They weren’t what she wanted to say, but at least she spoke, at least she was out of her catatonic state. Her hands dropped from his shoulders and hoped that he'd allow her to get up and leave. any and all notes can go here |
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Post by rolandmendraka on Oct 16, 2011 13:21:58 GMT -6
Roland was satisfied with her saying that and knew he was in the wrong. It was his goal to get her to leave him be for a while as he regained his thoughts realizing what he had just said then looked away. "Yes, I think that would be best for now, I'm sorry for saying that to you now all of a sudden. It's too sudden I know, I'll behave more, and I'll just keep chastising myself for how stupid I had been for leaving you here all this time. That guilt still haunts me to this day, I don't think I can ever do anything to get rid of it besides atoning for it here helping you out however I can around the house," he said to her and then leaned back onto the bed closing his eyes. A long, tearful restless sleep would await him tonight.
Especially after Alexis had used some rather harsh words he hoped to never hear in his life again, but it was almost like when his family had disowned him. Luckily she hadn't done that and was willing to let him to stay here until he recovered which was more than a lot of his other friends would do. Scarlett aside, there were other friends that weren't as forgiving and he would have to work his ass off to just get them to accept him as one of their kind again. Roland wished he had an easier life, but he was far too depressed for any of that right now. Acting depressed wasn't going to help him but he gave Alexis's cheek one last caressing stroke as he turned on his side away from her while speaking again. "Go and sleep, forget about me for now...think on what I said though. Good night, Alexis," he said to her covering himself softly not bothering to hide any stray tears that had fallen from his face during their talk. Now he was stern and as stubborn as ever. It was Alexis's turn to say those three words back to him, but in time she would...his gut was telling him she would at least return the favor soon.
Even if he had to wait a year to hear it, he would stay there and wait it out like a true man of his word.
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Post by lexi on Oct 17, 2011 6:51:30 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 471 ( TAGGED ) ROLAND ( STATUS ) COMPLETE She casted her eyes downwards, she couldn't bring herself to look at him now, not in this what felt like such an awkward situation. He had told her he loved her but she couldn't bring herself to say it back. Did he expect her to say it back to him straight away? Merlin she hoped not. She nodded at his words and although she would have scolded him for thinking like so, she couldn't find it in her to do it. It seemed all of her energy was drained and that her insides were as numb as ever. She wanted to lean into his touch, his hands were so warm and left her skin tingling where he had touched her, but she couldn't move towards him.
"Go and sleep, forget about me for now...think on what I said though. Good night, Alexis." How could she forget that she had a man in her house, a man in one of her bedrooms? She stood, what was with the sudden change, was he trying to give her the cold shoulder. She stared at the back of him for a moment, sighed deeply before heading to the door.
Lexi thought she was holding it together rather well, that was until she stepped out into the hallway, the cool air washing over her. Turning back she swept her gaze over him for a moment longer before closing the door. She bit her lip as she ran back to her bedroom, her feet light, hardly making a sound as she shut her door. Leaning on it she slid down to the floor, her arms hugging her knees to her chest. She buried her face in her knees as she felt the first fresh drop of warm liquid roll down her face. A flick of her wrist sent a silencing charm around herself whilst she cried, knowing that any noise she made was muted by the charm. Why did he have to say he loved her now, why did he have to kiss her? She brought her hand to her lips; she could still feel his lip on hers, still taste him. Why, she wanted to scream out, why now. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he had come back to ruin her life, to destroy that which she had worked so hard for, but that wasn't like him, at least the old him wasn't, and although she caught glimpses of the Roland she used to know, he was a changed man, she couldn't deny that. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she composed herself, stood up and flicked her wrist again to remove the charm before climbing back in bed, where she once more hugged a pillow to her chest, but this time she managed to drift off, her sleep becoming restless. any and all notes can go here |
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Post by rolandmendraka on Oct 18, 2011 6:22:54 GMT -6
Well, everything was going just fine for Roland until he came back home, and was considering leaving again. Although, if he did that then he would have hurt Alexis even more, and he was silent all night even as he stared at the wall. Eyes hard with the fact he had just told his friend he loved her after all this time and was chastising himself for how stupid he had been. Emotions conflicted with each other and the emotional roller coaster he had been trying to avoid hit him all at once as his body exhausted itself and he passed out just from that. There was no telling if he was awake or dead as his breathing all of a sudden sounded like it stopped, but if someone were to put their ears against his chest he was just breathing very shallow. Some would say this might be due to a heart condition, but he wasn't going to let anyone get in his way.
No, he wasn't going to give up as his dreams went back to happier times when he had hung out with Scarlett, and Alexis back when he had been in school. Then he eventually remembered a very fond memory where he and Alexis had gone on a date of sorts. Roland had considered it one since Alexis had been the one to initiate the conversation to get him to go to some lame ice cream parlor that he despised. Deciding to ruin the evening by commenting on how horrible the place was had apparently upset Alexis, and he had spent most of the evening apologizing or trying to make it up to her. Just like a lost puppy, but that wasn't exactly how he remembered it happening. After all, dreams sometimes, to Roland, meant more than what they were telling him at first glance.
Having to consider what he had just been through had reminded him of this moment, but he didn't plan on groveling for her attention again like last time. The only real thing he could do was something nice until he felt his whole body fading from the ethereal world back to the real one. Sighing softly as he started to realize the bright colors of the morning from the sun reflecting off the wall. Rubbing his eyes after having slowly got out of bed, and then finally started to shift the covers off of his frame. Looking down at the robes he was wearing and didn't recall changing anytime soon. They were white and noticed the closet was open nearby having an array of the same style of robe as he then just sighed.
Going downstairs and looking around the room, he wasn't about to make himself at home. Making shuffling noises first thing he did was head to the bathroom and shave his face that had some new growth from overnight. Roland honestly hated the fact he had to keep himself like this, but he wanted to retain his old ways when he had been younger by keeping a proper appearance. Dealing with Alexis today would have to occur later when he wasn't just waking up either, and headed towards the kitchen table to just sit there to stare deeply in thought at the window. Roland got into that state of concentration where he wouldn't hear anyone approaching him until they were literally right behind him if they wanted to scare him. It had been a while since he had been scared like that, but he did have defense mechanisms for such pranks already in place.
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Post by lexi on Nov 29, 2011 20:38:58 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 686 ( TAGGED ) Roland ( STATUS ) COMPLETE Sleep did not last long for her, an hour at most she gathered as she opened her eyes to a pitch black room. She sighed as she stood, exhaustion washing over her, and went to the window. She figured it was around 2 or 3 in the morning. A frown appeared. She could handle blood, guts and gore, she could sleep after having seen all that, but having one person back, the one she missed the most kept her awake with her mind going crazy. Maybe she ought to go to the hospital, get a couple of hours work done at least before grabbing a sleeping potion and head back home. She turned her head towards her door, it would give him peace and quiet. Decision made, she went to her wardrobe and pulled out a lime green robe, ugh she didn’t particularly like the colour, but as the previous director said, green was the colour for nurses, green was meant to represent good health, and calmness, or something like that. Laying her work robe on the bed, she pulled out some jeans and a plain black shirt. Dressing quickly, she made herself look half decent before tip toeing down the hallway and towards the back door. She held a finger to her lips, hoping the owl wouldn’t make any noise and she was thankful he didn’t. Slipping out into the chilly night air, she turned and took one look at the house, thinking of the man in it, before apparating to work.
No one could say she slacked off in her job. No she was a workaholic, married to her job. Sitting at her desk, she sighed as her eyes felt heavy with weariness. She needed sleep, but she had worked countless times like this before. Going through paperwork that was sitting on her desk didn’t help, but she was determined to get the pile done before she even considered going back home and crawling into bed. A knock at the door and a nurses' voice asking her to come have a look at one of the newest patients made her become more alert. Standing she followed the nurse to a child, no older than what appeared to be 5.
"You say they fear it could be a werewolf bite?" she asked the nurse as she donned on gloves. Werewolf bites weren’t common but there seemed to be popping up more and more. Creature induced injuries was where she started her whole career, it was her speciality so to speak. She apologised in advanced for hurting the kid as she poked and prodded, gathering samples to do tests on them. Taking her gloves off, she waved her wand and smiled at the result.
"I'm pleased to say Mr and Mrs Cunningham, that your son was not bitten by a werewolf, but by a wild dog," she turned to the boy with a smile, "The healer will clean it up and give you a potion for it to heal, you'll be out of here in now time." She offered a smile at the parents one last time before heading to the basin, washed her hands and headed back to her office.
Uh, she thought, she could not possibly do anymore paperwork. She felt like the walking dead. All she could think about was bed, she doubted that she'd even need the sleeping potion, but she grabbed one out of the cabinet anyways. Saying her farewells to the healers and nurses that she passed, she exited the hospital, noticing the sky was much brighter than she expected, she quickly apparated home and entered through the back door. She stumbled as she tried getting her footing. It was only then she noticed Roland was up and she groaned. She did not want any confrontations with him whatsoever until she had a few hours of decent sleep, but she couldn’t very well ignore him.
"Morning," she mumbled as she walked past him, accidently brushing up against him as she trying heading towards her bedroom, whilst trying to undo the lime green robes, both at which she was failing miserably. any and all notes can go here |
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Post by rolandmendraka on Nov 30, 2011 12:18:29 GMT -6
Roland was starting to see why she liked working at night, but he didn't understand when she had snuck out on him without telling him. That was the key ingredient to getting over something, but he figured it wasn't best to question her this early in the morning. After all, he had just had some trouble sleeping in the long run, but he didn't wish to disturb her as he watched her half-amused as she tried to disrobe herself. Almost curiously, he stood up for a mere moment until thinking it was wiser he just sit down, but he should give her some space to deal with the fact he was now here again. It was very awkward having someone you thought you had lost in your life long ago, and now Roland was trying to play this back to see what he would have done if Alexis had done this to him.
In his mind, he remembered disappearing and thinking that she would have been torn over having heard him supposedly 'dying'. Yet, no one said they could find the body, and that had left Roland with a trail of hints. Funny that no one questioned the logic when the people said there was no body, and they didn't find any evidence of his belongings around the area. Roland had done a perfect job of hiding who he was up until now when he came back out of the blue, and then considered the loneliness along with the guilt welled up within. It had taken Roland at least five years to get rid of the guilt of leaving his friends behind, but it had piled on him so high he felt like beating himself up mentally to a pulp now.
The tears he had shed last night were most of his pent-up rage at not being able to tell anyone what he was doing, and finally he was here in Alexis's home. So, she must be feeling frustrated, tired, and confused now that he had come back into her life. Perhaps it was just best for him to leave so that she could continue on with her peaceful life, because he didn't want to ruin what she had. After all, that's what friends did, they looked out for each other, and Roland had stabbed her in the back for ditching her these past years. As stubborn as he could be, things just seemed to hit him in the face at the wrong moment as he spoke to her as she walked to her room. No, he was going to leave her a note this time saying he was going out for a walk around her home just to get some fresh air to clear his head.
Yes, that would work just fine, but she would find he was no longer within her house when she woke up if she managed to get to her room. Closing the door behind him after getting on the proper set of clothes he wore the other day, and making sure they were properly cleaned by running his wand over them. It was so easy using magic these days and then closed the door behind him. Taking in a whiff of the fresh air and then let his body just enjoy the fresh air as he soon transformed into the white siberian tiger that he had mastered when he was younger. Soon lying down on the grass closing his eyes softly, but he found that he couldn't stand this form any longer so he quickly changed back looking up at the sky. Soon he was lying down on the grass putting his hands behind his head to watch the clouds waiting until Alexis got up to talk to him or after she was calmed down from the events last night.
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Post by lexi on Dec 19, 2011 8:23:43 GMT -6
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; background-color: #343434; padding:20px; border-top: 10px #af9390 solid; border-bottom: 10px #af9390 solid;] repair your broken wings ( WORDS ) 359 ( TAGGED ) ROLAND ( STATUS ) COMPLETE She welcomed the sleep as her head touched her pillow. She hadn’t bothered pulling the sheets down, instead she allowed the much needed sleep to consume her. Working herself to exhaustion meant that she didn’t have the energy to dream and at the moment, she did not wish to dream. She didn’t want to relive her past memories nor did she want to dream up of what ifs. She just wanted to relax.
How long had it been, she wondered as she opened her eyes. A few hours at least. She felt better, more rejuvenated, although still tired. But she couldn’t sleep the day away. It was her own fault for not sleeping, her own fault for allowing her mind to not shut down. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes before combing her fingers through her tousled hair. A quick flick of the wrist, her hair settled down and was tied up into a ponytail. Her clothes were wrinkled. Sighing she stood up and against flicked her wrist, straightening her clothes. She couldn’t be bothered to change them. He robe was on the floor at the end of her bed, also wrinkled. Picking it up, she headed out, dumping the lime green robes in the laundry, ready to be washed before making her way out to the kitchen. She noticed that he wasn’t anywhere in the house and with one glance outside, she found him in her backyard. So it hadn’t been her imagination after all, Roland was really here. Sticking the kettle on, she wondered if he liked coffee as she pulled two cups out of the cupboard. It didn’t take long for her to finish the coffee. With a twitch of her finger, she saw the cups lift up and levitate. Turning she headed to the back door, glancing over her shoulder once to make sure the coffees were following.
Plucking the cups from mid air, she made her way over to him. Standing over him, she gave him a faint smile before offering him a cup before she too sat down. Taking a sip of her drink, she decided to allow him to speak up first. sorry its crappy |
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