Can I Come Undone? [open]

[lorasinclair]

Lora couldn't remember why she was there. Well, she remembered she'd been trying to get away from the world, but she hadn't realized where she was going. Suddenly, she had gone from the first floor to the library and from the library she'd arrived at the third floor corridor.

Now, after having run so far, she slowed down, trying to catch her breath. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She didn't want to be associated with the rest of the world right now. She wanted to be her own entity. She wanted to hide. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget.

How can you possibly forget? a voice asked, tauntingly. How can you forget what your father could be doing right now?

I can't live in that world of regret forever, Lora thought, biting her lip and wincing as she drew blood. I have to move foreward. I have to lose myself. I have to.

Because she knew if she didn't she would come undone.

[CHUN CUAN AU-YONG]

Her wandering wasn't with the intention of getting lost. If that was her objective, she would find home in the courtyard or along the bleachers of the quidditch pitch. The places were surprisingly deserted at the right times, and specifically when she wasn't looking for a fight, provided a comforting sort of isolation. Though she was generally a negative person in general, it wasn't enjoyable to surround herself in those same emotions. In that sense, she could almost sympathize with the people she mistreated. No, no, bad thoughts. It wasn't good to think too much about them. It was an open door to hate herself, and there are days where she had done enough self-loathing.

Somehow, through the boredom that had accumulated with her today, she found herself on the third floor corridor just walking aimlessly. It was a little too cool outside for her tastes and after checking to make sure the plants would last the day in the courtyard, decided it would be best to seek shelter instead. The meeting with Lyra was a little too fresh on her mind for Chun to stop by the greenhouses, half scared she would run into the hufflepuff while inside. The slytherin knew she agreed to help tutor the girl, but for right now, she was a bit too terrified to try. Unfortunately, the Asian didn't really have many indoor hiding places, which meant just walking.

As Chun turned the corner, her eyes were almost immediately drawn to a figure further down the hallway, slumped against the wall and clearly in some sort of distress. There was something achingly familiar about this moment and already, the Chinese girl could feel the awkwardness growing inside her. It would be a little rude to just ignore her, but more than anything, there was also the idea that she could run into this girl afterward. She hovered just a little out of sight for several minutes, debating with herself before briefing a sigh.

She stepped quietly over to the girl, avoiding physical contact. ”Um... your lip is bleeding. I... I think I have a herb in my bag for that...” Well, not exactly the best introduction, and as she peered closer toward the student, she recognized a different sort of pain in her expression. Oh boy... ”Uh, you alright?”

[lorasinclair]

Lora whipped her head around at the sound of the voice next to her. She noticed the girl's awkwardness and her unsureness, but she didn't say anything to console her. She didn't do that. She wasn't that kind of person. She was brave (or at least she liked to think so), kind (occasionally), and...well she couldn't think of anything else endearing, but she certainly wasn't someone who walked up to other people and started talking about the weather or what they were doing in Transfiguration or Herbology that day or the next. She did have many friends, but they were all in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw and sometimes Hufflepuff. She didn't have any Slytherin friends. And this girl, unless she was color blind and the patch on her robes read differently, was a Slytherin.

Swallowing, Lora licked the blood from her lip, trying to take the attention away from her. She half hoped the girl would go away and leave her to her pain. Not only because she preferred to be alone when she was crying and thinking about her father and Kiara and her mother, who was probably going to run out on her and her sister any day now, but also because she didn't want to be a burden. Not to anyone. Even a Slytherin.

She turned away, wiped the blood from her mouth and tried to do exactly what she had been telling herself she was going to just before this girl had come up. She had to move forward.

After wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned to the Slytherin and said, softly, barely audible, "I'm okay," She gave a weak smile. "If you're busy or you want to be alone, I...I can handle myself."

But can you really? a voice whispered.

[CHUN CUAN AU-YONG]

The slytherin really should leave it at that. This certainly had nothing to do with her as far as Chun was concerned, and it wasn't like she was usually the nosy type. Getting into others' business was an open invitation to get hurt, something which the Asian girl already had plenty of opportunities in doing. However, there wasn't any fun in picking a fight with someone already so upset. There wasn't any fun in the game if it just ended with the same emotion at the end. As much as she hated admitting to being a bully, there was no sense in denying what she desired in her methods.

Chun could tell the student was trying to be strong. Hell, she'd done the same thing more than a few times. It worked to keep most others away (though nowadays those moments for her were in solitude; plenty of time to stuff it back in before anyone noticed). Truthfully, it must've been years since she had a moment like that, back when the slytherin realized her family wasn't normal and there wasn't a way for her to get out of it. By now, she had accepted that truth, and somedays, have found the bright side (however small they were) to knowing her family. Something told her that it wasn't quite the case for the girl in front of her. It was a little unnerving.

”You're not okay,” the Chinese girl said simply, though she wasn't sure what compelled her to even say anything. This wasn't her fight. She could see the barely there smile though. It wasn't a very good lie. She had seen it before, maybe in her older sister. Chun wasn't enough of a fool to believe she had been safe before leaving their home. ”You can lie to me if you want, but you're kinda bad at it. You honestly look a bit like a train wreck right now.” Sure, she was awkward, but its not like she was doing anything important today. She could simply threaten the girl to keep quiet once Chun felt confident that she wasn't about to break down in a few seconds.

[lorasinclair]

Lora could tell from the look in the girl's eyes that she understood, that she'd been here before and that she was trying to take her, Lora, out of that same situation. Lora wasn't sure if she appreciated it or not, since there seemed to be some sort of maliciousness behind her good intentions. Lora wasn't really used to being the subject of bullying, but she wasn't going to let this girl in if only she was going to stab her in the back. Lora. She rarely let the people she considered her friends in because she was afraid they would betray her too. She was afraid. It was just as simple as that. Afraid of almost everything.

Turning away again, to wipe away the few remaining tears that lingered, along with the thoughts of Kiara and her father, she gave a tentative laugh and said, trying to harden her tone, so the girl would know she wasn't going to put up with her shit, "I'm fine. Or at least I will be once I go home for the summer and know my sister is okay."

She didn't say why she was afraid for Kiara because she knew she'd said too much already. She clamped her lips shut and turned away, wondering if the girl would leave her now...or maybe Lora was wrong and she wasn't a bully and she would stay and try to comfort her because she could relate to what she, Lora, was going through right now.

[CHUN CUAN AU-YONG]

She shouldn't be surprised by the fact that the student confirmed her thoughts, but Chun still felt her heart sank anyway. Oh dear, the sister wasn't safe; didn't have protection. For once, her thoughts turned to her eldest sibling. Maybe similar thoughts crossed her mind as well. It must be a terrifying experience. The violence was already there; how far would it truly needed to go before it turned fatal? From her experience, it didn't take too long. Just one extra punch; one extra shove. When the knowledge was there, it had to be heart crushing, especially with that helplessness there. Hogwarts was just a little too far away to truly do anything.

The familiarity there too; oh how it was painful. She could feel the old bruises from the summer, unable to hide the wince that temporarily crossed her face. Unfortunately, it came with the realization that she wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't tell Lora it would get better. Chun had no clue if it did, but she learned to enjoy what little she did have. ”I... I am the little sister in my, um, family situation...” she began carefully, ”I can't tell you that it'll get better, or to stop worrying. Your worry is a good thing, truly. … Your sister probably appreciates that.” The slytherin gritted her teeth slightly in awkwardness. Comfort was such an awkward situation to deal with.

The Chinese girl inhaled a deep breath. She would only think as much as she needed for the student, nothing more. The worry for her family would come when there wasn't the school walls to protect her. She had a few months before that. ”Just... um...” Chun struggled with her words for a few moments, trying to come up with the best thing to say, ”Whoever it is, they... they might try to make it seem like you're insignficant-- just some piece of trash. You aren't alone out here. At the very least, your sister will be there for you and...” The Asian quieted for a moment, glancing about the hallway to make sure they were alone. ”... I understand.”

[lorasinclair]

The words the girl spoke stunned Lora. Did she understand? Did she know just what Lora was going through every day of her life, while here at Hogwarts? She was betting the answer was yes and because of this bet she wanted to talk to her. She wanted to tell her just how she was feeling. She wanted to explain to her that - for the most part - their father ignored Kiara and that it was her, Lora, he went after instead. Lora and her mother. If her mother left, while Lora was at school, there was a strong possibility that Kiara would die of starvation.

Pushing her hair away from her eyes, she said, "I don't think he'll hurt her. He has no reason to. He'll hurt mum instead, unless I'm there or mum's left. And if she has I hope she's taken Kiara with her... she trailed off, realizing she had just practically poured her heart out to this girl she didn't even know, this girl who might, in the future, taunt her and tease her, because they weren't alone and when they weren't alone they weren't friends because Lora was a Gryffindor and this girl was a Slytherin. She wanted to feel angry. She wanted to hate this girl, but how could she? How could she possibly hate someone, who understood her so completely? Lora had friends at Hogwarts, no doubt about that, but did anyone understand her thoughts, her feelings?

She shook her head and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you. You have enough on your mind besides me. Clearing her throat, she attempted to change the subject by saying, "My name is Lora. What's yours?"

She tried to smile, but she doubted this would have any effect on the girl. She would probably think her smile was one of pity and consider her stupid for trying to be friends with her. Still, Lora didn't know what else she could do. She was sure there was nothing she could do that would be considered 'right', so she did what she thought that would be the least annoying to both her and the other girl.

[CHUN CUAN AU-YONG]

Hm, maybe they were better at keeping quiet than she was. Or maybe the anger was tied to something. It was never quite so simple, Chun realized a bit sickly. At least whether it was right or wrong remained black and white, no matter the individual case. It was one of the few times the slytherin wished she was a hugger. The other student looked like she could really use it right now. The mother seemed to care as well. That was a good sign at least, hope there. Chun wasn't even sure what her options were anymore. None that would end well for the slytherin anyway. It didn't mean she couldn't talk to the girl though; it might be something they both needed.

”It's hard to know when you're here, isn't it?” the slytherin asked quietly, though she could guess at the answer easily enough. ”... Do you know what you'll do when you graduate?” Her kindred could run. It was an appealing thought for herself one she got off that Hogwarts train, but she wouldn't dare leave Olivia or Dante. The Chinese girl cared too much for them to just leave them out of her life to protect herself from her father. She knew that, while it was possible that Olivia would follow (considering her own plans), her cousin loved his family too much to cut them off completely. The Asian wasn't entirely too sure how the ravenclaw would feel upon knowing her preferences either.

However, the slytherin had known she was stuck for a while. It didn't mean the other girl didn't have a chance though. Chun had learned to accept that. ”... Well, don't really think about my family anymore,” she admitted quietly, ”There... really isn't anyone at my house right now that my father could get angry at. That isn't passed out already anyway. I'm practically the only one left in my house other than my father.” She added that last part a bit quietly. It really wasn't something the girl needed to worry about, Lora, her name was. ”I'm Chun.”

[lorasinclair]

Lora was lost in her own thoughts as the girl, Chun was her name she now knew, spoke, telling her that things might get better as the years went on. When she asked, "It's hard to know when you're here isn't it?" For a moment Lora's eyes widened as she wondered how Chun could possibly know what she was going through, and then she remembered that she was going through something similar. She swallowed and looked at the ground as she nodded in response. She thought of Kiara and her father and wondered what they were doing right now. Probably sitting down to lunch. Or maybe Kiara was at school today? She doubted it. Daddy kept Kiara home some days. She had yet to find out why, but she didn't think it could be anything good. She choked back a moan of frustration as she heard Chun's second question.

"Do you know what you'll do when you graduate?"

Lora smiled, thankful for the distraction. This question she knew the answer to. "I want to be an Auror." she responded. She didn't know why it was just something that had always sounded appealing to her, something she thought she might actually be good at. Not that she wasn't good at anything, it was just that she was better at Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions and Ancient Runes than other classes and she'd often been told that she would make a good Auror because she was good at these things.

Chun was saying something else now, but Lora wasn't listening, seh was thinking about her life as an Auror , away from her father. Maybe by the time she was a world famous Auror like it was her dream to be, Kiara would have graduated from Hogwarts and she would become an Auror too and they could travel the world together catching dark wizards that were trying to bring back Voldemort's reign of terror.

"I'm Chun," she heard Chun suddenly say. She turned to her and said, "Oh I'm Lora. It's a pleasure to meet you." She wasn't sure she met the last part, but she forced on a smile and held out her hand, waiting for Chen to take it.