A disgruntled wizard's journal

[rolandmendraka]

Upon further inspection, the name on the front of the cover reads in big bold letters: ROLAND OSWALD MENDRAKA, and within are the adventures as well as the many entries he keeps to remind himself of his past trials. Plus it also helps him live his life alone, and knows there are still kindhearted people out there that understand his story. If you open the cover and look on the inside you will see in rather nice writing a message.

"If anyone should find this journal and I am no longer in it's vicinity that means they're on to me. I promise to keep this journal in mint condition and I have taken a few pages out of it. Please don't reveal what you read in this journal to anyone unless you find it necessary to bring to the attention of the Ministry for the true tale of my past as well as what happened to my brother. Injustice is a punishment that doesn't go unnoticed...please..read my story before judging why I'm on the run...so take good care of this. If I happen to be alive still, just write on one of the blank pages and I might answer."

Turning open to the first page, you notice the first journal entry is in first person and now the story of Roswald Oswald Mendraka begins:

Page 1

July 18th, 2007
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It was a cold morning, and I had just gotten up, the usual routine for me in the morning when I'm seventeen anyways. I had just graduated from Hogwarts, readily accepting my responsibility in this world. I'm excited as I have just realized I'm going to have to teach my brother how to fly. My father doesn't approve of me doing this due to my reputation of not being able to fly very well. I don't even know why I'm writing in here instead of doing my chores like I should, but maybe this is my one escape from reality that I can finally enjoy life as I should. Already applied for a position at the ministry to become an auror in training, my grades are easily high enough to get me in there.

I know I've just started writing my journal entries, but I promise to keep you updated on how the day goes....even if it is just morning. I should probably get up before my parents yell at me again before I miss breakfast.

1 pm
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I just got back from lunch and also taught my brother how to fly properly with my broom. Of course, I'm sure he was enjoying the time I was spending with him as I never got to spend most of time with him while I was at Hogwarts. I was either too busy studying or didn't return home so I could actually continued studying or practicing for quidditch matches. It was later that day that I found out my father had been having dealings with some strange character known as "One-Eyed Jack," and I'd heard the name many times before as I had gone through my fathers desk a few times. I really don't have much left on this page, but I'll keep going to get to the point of his entry. During the time me and my brother were practicing, some weird fellows showed up at out door step demanding my father's money.

I eagerly approached them without a word and then noticed they were the same guys that had been following us around earlier. The creeps, so I decided to teach them a lesson by hexing all three of them ending their quarrel. I thought our troubles were over, but later on when I went inside to get something for my brother real quick. This was at least a few hours later, I came back out and he was gone. Not a word of what happened to him at all, and I started to worry that the worst had happened. A few hours later again, and I was staring at the window out my parents window, and was crying for what had been done to my brother. He had been brutally murdered and hung out to dry on their front yard. All of the authorities had come there and I felt a piece of me break inside knowing that I would never be able to play with my brother ever again.

My broom was at the base of the tree and I knew I wouldn't be able to look at it ever again, now I, Roland am stopping this here for my next entry...I need to go bury my brother...a task that demands my attention right now. I will not be writing for at least the rest of this day.
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At the end of the journal entry it can look as if the page itself was blurred with tear drops, or some form of water.

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NOTE: This page is missing from the journal, and you look through the rest of the journal to find that there are other missing pages as well as you sift through it to see if you can find an answer for this odd occurrence. The person who wrote it obviously didn't want the person reading this particular page.

[rolandmendraka]

Page 2

July 19th, 2007
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-Scratch marks are located just at the top of the page indicating a cat or some other form of creature had attempted to tear it up.- As you can see, my cat happened to be playing with a piece of my parchment, so I guess I'll have to make do with what I have left of this page. Even as tattered as it is, it is not as tattered as my soul right now. Having to deal with the death of a loved one since burying him in my backyard near the tree where he had been disposed of..for lack of better words. I awoke to find myself trodden with despair and couldn't even get to sleep with the grief that racked up within my body. I know now that partially this was my fault for interfering in my father's business, but he didn't tell anyone about it, not even my mother.

So I figured the best way to get a message across was to send those three wizards earlier running, and they had done so...without question. I was wondering why they had acted so suspicious in the first place, but it doesn't matter anymore. I almost feel like life isn't worth living, however, I must persevere as did my father in his times of sorrow, and I'm sure they're blaming me for the death right now. As much as I'm blaming myself for it, I don't need anyone else telling me what I did wrong. It's not like they're in my shoes right now and trying to take the whole weight of the world on their shoulders. What could they possibly know about me?!? I do tend to over-react, but this has gone too far. I've already started plotting for revenge.

Now that I'm up and still here writing on this blank page that will soon be covered in my senseless babble that someday someone will hopefully happen upon should I happen to lose this journal on my travels. They say time can heal wounds, but I doubt mine will be healed any time as salt always seems to get poured on them. I think now would be the best time for me to get away from this hell I call home, and travel the world to see what I can find out about this person my dad deals with.

About six hours later
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So far, no one has even tried to tell me that what I did was wrong, but they still blame me for the incident that occurred just yeseterday. I will refer to it as the incident as I never want to speak about it ever again until the right moment occurs. I've already packed up most of my things and a small survival kit should I happen to be out in the cold for a long time. I bid this place farewell and I am off to find a better home...or perhaps just freedom in general. I'm giving up my dreams and goals for one thing right now, to get revenge on the person that ended up ruining my life. I would need lots of time and preparation if things were to go according to plan.

The police said that the attack was caused by wolves during the incident and I honestly don't believe them one bit as it was too professional to be done by wolves. It was as if someone had erased their memories already and I couldn't even believe it. I'm going to stop writing for maybe a week or two so I can get settled down at a hideout so I can continue my mindless writing. I consider why I even do this at times, but I just want something to remind me of why I do this. I'm sure I won't see it as revenge when the chance to find an opportunity awaits, but probably retribution, yes that's a good word.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 3

July 27th, 2007
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Finally, I have time to rest and pick up where I left off, now I'm wondering if this is even the best time to be writing in this damned journal. The time has flown by and ever since the burial there hasn't been much time for me to remorse over the death. Even now I ache for the loss, but it's all just part of my master plan to get revenge on the person that organized this crime. So far I have established a perimeter that shows me I took out three of his best guards already. Soon a tune came to my mind that reminded me of the jovial times I had with my long lost comrade. Yes, comrade would be a better word so I don't get emotional over the loss anymore.

I've already pegged up the many points I can go in for a sneak attack, but I doubt I'll even get this figured out right away. It's only been two weeks and the man known as "One-eyed Jack" is always guarded by at least four or more experienced wizards. Even I would have trouble defeating them all by myself, I must hone my skills before I even attempt at doing anything. Of course, practicing while taking on jobs as a mercenary will at least pay for inns and any other establishment that I'll have to give up coin to stay at. If I could be considered the lowest of the low, I honestly could care less right now, it's as if my life has been erased off of this pitiful rock.

Don't pity me, as I pity you for doing so, and to understand my pain you must have lost a love at the hands of evil men. What drives me is beyond me, but I know there is one goal I have on my mind right now. The word retribution always stares at me when I think back to when this event triggered my emotions to spiral outward. Rage is the only emotion on my mind right now and even with my uncanny intelligence I know this is foolish. So, yes, to hone my skills I'll need further training just like at Hogwarts, when I had studied so vigorously. I won't let it all go to waste, I must start practicing. I probably won't have time to write, but I will update my journal to how much my skills have advanced on a month to month basis until the time I figure I'm ready to take down this head figure of the corporation my father still owes money to.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 4

August 27th, 2007
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Another month gone by, and the many jobs I have found are so mundane that it's not even worth my time sometimes. Even if the shillings are just enough to barely gain me a room at an Inn it's like I'm working at the lowest pay rate for my age. Sure, I'm only seventeen, but even so, there are limits to how much my body can take too. This vigorous training I've started myself on demands more money to keep my appearance up, and I'm also starting to like the rogue look I'm getting with this beard. If I stay out here any longer, I'm pretty sure it will only grow out more. Enough about my looks, I've noticed an increase in my stamina and how much stronger my spell-casting has become. I can just easily flick my wand with a wave of it as I experience more of a thrill. It's hard to practice duels with a practice dummy due to the fact they don't fight back.

If only I had a real person to spar with, but that's another reason I need these missions to actually face off against other wizards no matter what their allegiance is. If they owe money to the Ministry or some other form of government I'll gladly take any jobs that will apply to me. Of course, I usually am hesitant about going anywhere near the ministry since I don't want them knowing what I had done. As far as I know this so-called "One-eyed Jack" is not only a bad egg, but he takes money from other family's too when he doesn't even need it. They say they owe him a debt just living in the neighborhood, but if they were smart they'd realize they already owe enough taxes to the government as is. That doesn't sit well with me, in fact I've collected enough information to make all his credentials disappear at any time of my choosing.

Luckily for me, he leaves his place unguarded when he's not there, but there are surveillance cameras everywhere, they were easy to disable. I could have set a trap to kill him then, but no it's too soon. My plan must be perfected, there can be absolutely no errors at all. I managed to even draw a map of the layout, and I even caught a trace of drugs within the man's building. Just what kind of operations is he running underneath the nose of the police? I could report him right now, but I'd just get dismissed with trespassing.

The Ministry won't help me with this, considering I don't know what they'd do if I went to them in the first place, no, this is my battle, my fight that will continue on. I've noticed a steady increase in my stamina and how much I can handle more and more. Even if I can't duel another wizard right now, just using my spells in my every day life is enough to keep me going..now I must find another place to stay for a month. I've already moved around this city long enough, I might venture to other areas of England just to stay hidden from my parents and everyone else that knows me. I want everyone to think I disappeared off the face of the earth and died until one day I'll reveal myself again.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 5

September 27th, 2007
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This year is the worst year of my life as the cold has already started to settle in and I need to get warmer clothes too. The jobs I have agreed to are hardly worth mentioning once again, but there was a very nice offer not too long after I was practicing my skills when a fellow wanderer happened upon me. Seeking my services it seemed as I told him what I was doing out there, while leaving out the fact that I was there for practicing my skills for revenge. As I continued my different moves and the many spells I had learned throughout my years at Hogwarts, I also practiced in my animagus form too. Plus it kept me warm during these cold days when I was in my tiger form, yes, I've learned that transforming into a tiger to hone my skills too helps a lot. Even just running miles in this form helps me get quicker, and more agile every day. I can even control my breathing to the point I could be considered dead.

Not that I would ever do that unless it meant basically preserving myself so I don't end up as some meal to some other ungodly creature out there. Then again, this form has helped me in many occasions, I'm surprised I haven't come across any werewolves yet in my travels. Sure, there had been some of the bloodline I was afraid of in school, but they were at least civil compared to the wild ones. Beasts, that's what they all are to me, just as I am to them most likely in that majestic form I call home now. Sometimes I just roam around as a tiger to seek shelter as well, appearing as nothing but a homeless tiger at the best of times. Even so, it's not the best way to beg to enter a home, but it's the only way I knew how to survive this cruel world.

I did try going back to my parent's recently, but even now they still shun me as they are still paying that man even after what he did. How could they refuse if they were being threatened to be killed as well? I also have come to the conclusion that "One-Eyed Jack" is more than he appears to be too. There's something uncanny about it, as he's got all these wizards, yet I just realized he might be one himself...probably a muggle-born judging from his attitude towards other wizards as if he owns them. I plan on taking him down a notch once this plan is formulated, I only have the outlines I need at least ten years to perfect it completely.

Infiltrating the facility and leaving without being detected will be my first test of intellect, and stealth to see if I have the blueprints right of the place. That won't be for another three years when I understand the many different positions the guards stand at. It's freezing right now, so I'm gonna go some place warm and hope I can at least find a decent place to stay for the winter, considering it's too cold out here.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 6

October 27th, 2007
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I just woke up and it's getting harder to tell what time it is every day as my body clock always wakes me up right when the sun's just past the rising point over the horizon. Going to bed is hard to determine sometimes, but usually whenever my eyes are heavy is when I just pass out no matter where I am. Having gained an appropriate shelter that I can move around with ease, and some warm clothing to tide me over during the winter, I will be able to stay on the move more conveniently. The back pack I carry around feels like it weighs one hundred pounds sometimes. Judging from all the stuff I have with me, it's recommended, but now I can safely stay at my location outside the school known as Hogwarts. Most of the students usually don't venture anywhere near the forbidden forest, I'm also starting to regret not telling my friends where I've gone.

As far as everyone else that knows of me, I've disappeared off the face of the earth, and there's no telling how worried some of them might be. I hadn't considered that when I started this journey as my thoughts on retribution are becoming more vivid to me now. I know it was a mistake to leave my home to go and find my brother's killer, as my parents didn't try to stop me it's obvious they were on the verge of doing the same thing. Perhaps it was their words that lead me to leave the home and they had planned this to happen all along? If so, then I might have remorse for the way I acted towards them.

If I keep dwelling on this, I definitely won't get anything done today, but I decided to write this in the morning instead so I can get some extra practicing in. Not that I really care anymore about improving my skills since I've already had enough training in the world it feels like. I finally got my first mercenary job just the other day too, but I get to carry out that mission tomorrow. Apparently some filthy rogue wizards are holding up gringott's and I was hired to take care of this trash. I doubt anyone in their right minds would try to steal from that bank, but if they have the ability to do so they might have some decent abilities.

I will write more about that job tomorrow after it's completed, and I doubt I will fail since I already had a chance to visit the bank earlier. Yes, I'm outside of where Gringott's is, and just outside of the town in a little tent that no one will find suspicious at all as it looks just like the rest of the city itself. Well, not really, it's one of the alleys at the far back where no one ever treads at all, except the few that lurk into the alleys to wait for helpless wizards to pick their pockets when they could just use their magic for such things. I'm always waiting for them to steal the wallets from them in return, returning it to it's rightful owner.

Call me what you will, but I only have a good heart when it comes to no-good thieves themselves trying to make money without being honest about it. Speaking of, I need to get to work today and find out more about this case. It's worth at least 1000 gold pieces, and I don't plan tossing that offer up at all. It's not just all about the money, but I prefer not knowing my client's name as well, that way it's more of a mutual dealing so that both of us don't have to give our names. If I have to, I usually just go by "Rolo", now I must head out, until a month from now since I've found decent living quarters for the winter.

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NOTE: This page is missing from the journal, and you look through the rest of the journal to find that there are other missing pages as well as you sift through it to see if you can find an answer for this odd occurrence. The person who wrote it obviously didn't want the person reading this particular page.[/justify]

[rolandmendraka]

Page 7

November 27th, 2007
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It seems like time just goes by too fast and then when I look over my previous journal entries, I realize how weird this may sound to myself. It's comforting knowing that at one point I was sane enough to still attend Hogwarts. Of course back then I wasn't worrying about anything, and every time I recall the 'incident' I keep telling myself that it's for a good cause. My mind is at conflict with myself, perhaps I need more human interaction before I go crazy. The last month was full of jobs to leave me a happy man to acquire the rest of the supplies I need to start planning my revenge. Although my desire to travel the rest of England is currently conquering at the moment.

I am smart enough to realize that this was never the life I wanted to live, but even with all of this fuss going on about who this new "Rolo" character is going around. Many times that I ask about who people think this Rolo guy is, they point to pictures of wanted ads around the town. Most of the jobs I take are respectable to the point I try to learn a little about the target before I even make my move. I consider I'm doing the Ministry a favor, as most of these cases seem to be misfit wizards trying to misuse their powers for dirty deeds. Looking around, I noticed that I was the only one who seemed to even be concerned about my alias.

Sure, it was suspicious behaviour, but I'm gonna have to lay low for a while I think. I noticed that one wizard I was chasing had got away and slipped through my grasp. I might have to revert to my tiger form, but no one knows about that ability except the close friends. I miss my family, but I still won't forgive them for disowning me. I honestly can't blame them for my own mistakes, but even so, it's a parents job to be forgiving. Enough about that, as I was saying, that wizard that got away surely caught a glimpse of my face. Not that he'll be coming near me anytime soon since I left quite a good nick on his arm...which he's probably missing by now.

I'll have to visit a nearby hospital to see if he actually entered there, and end his miserable life for him. Or send him to the authorities like I do with most of these arrogant, self-centered wizards that think they're all that until they're backed into a corner. It's amusing to see them try to resist when it's futile even after I've already captured...I have been with the same client for a month. I'm sure it will stay that way for a few months if I manage to stay employed, I might consider actually staying out here. Of course, my desire to travel has one, and I'm going to be moving to different parts of the country to widen my experiences. Good bye reader, I don't know if I'll get back to writing in this journal at all or if I 'll find time. So much more training will follow after.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 8

February 15th, 2008
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I have finally donned a mask to make me look like a death eater, and my plan is going according to plan. Now people think there is a new follower of the remnants of Lord Voldemort, of course not that anyone really can tell who I am. I know fully well of the rumors surrounding the previous Wizarding war since I was just a child when it happened. Having to stay in my house during those horrid events, I'm just glad to be alive as is right now. Nothing feels greater, and I recently turned on my employer. I found out that they were using my services to do black marketing with dragon's blood to raise their own for profits.

I was wondering where they got most of their money from only to realize I was working for another dealer of sorts, but I never did ask questions as I was on a watch for a while. Finally made my move when they trusted me enough so I could put my mask on to show that they wouldn't know who did it. As of now, there is no trace or evidence of what I've done as I cleaned it up well enough to make it look like a suicide. Sure, the muggle police aren't smart enough to actually determine the cause of death, but if they see the blood lying around they'd probably assume it was just another human's. So perhaps someone finally done him in and didn't want to turn themselves in.

I know those blood hounds will be barking their hearts out at the smell of dragon's blood smeared everywhere, and I made sure to keep a few vials for myself to give as proof of evidence that I'm not going to let these get out. I'm going to move towards another part of the country and get out of here while I'm still free and alive. My tiger form is definitely perfect for this get away, however, if I don't come back alive, I promise that this journal will be my last testimony. To all my friends, I'm sorry I disappeared without a trace, and regret leaving without a word. I'm always wondering how I manage to survive each day as I do by myself.

Eating, sleeping, and just surviving being my natural instinct sometimes I think I'm starting to become more like a natural predator. The animal that I've become hasn't taken over my mind yet at least, as I try to bide my time in my human form instead of just prowling constantly. Hunting never was easier, but I find that if I stay in my animal form too long I tend to think more like the cunning hunter itself. My mindless ramblings are getting me off track, once more, I need to stop writing and get moving, hopefully my next journal entry will be more tasteful.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 9

May 15th, 2008
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It's getting closer to when I had the unfortunate luck of finding out about my dad's plans with the man that was this so-called "One-eyed" Jack. Now I'm sure there's a vague reference here somewhere that I can't quite figure out. As for getting revenge, I'm almost finding it to be pointless now, as my rage had seemed to repel any logic I had. I miss my friends, my family, and most of all my one person that I was going to confess my feelings to. Some portion of me wishes I had more than just this lonely satchel of gold coins with me and my belongings in it along with a tent I finally happened to pick up. I make myself a camp every night for the last year and I still think about the same damned thing.

Why do these thoughts plague my mind? Am I really that devoid of human contact, or do I just miss them all that much? I can only voice my own thoughts through this journal without a response from them. I'm curious to what they think about me disappearing for no reason, I bet half of them think I'm dead right now. Most are just consoling in the fact that I may be alive out there somewhere, as for the truth. This journal holds my closest, and deep feelings for those that I care about. The one I mentioned earlier, really had no clue I was actually interested in her at all. I realize now how deep my feelings were despite not having hung out much during my last year. I was too focused on work, but as I mature, the more I realize how much of a fool I am.

This quest is becoming more of a plague than retribution to me, however, I must persevere. As my parents will not do what I want them to, and take action into my own hands. I actually wonder if I really do miss my parents or just feel saddened that I regret having left them at this time in need. I definitely wasn't going to be one to stick around being blamed every day til the end of my life and be scolded by my father. Perhaps I'm just looking for recognition from my parent's that was my father's fault not my own. The bloody parental figures that control our lives sometimes need to be taught a lesson by their kids.

I don't know if this train of thought is due to my undying hatred towards my father, or if I just loathe him for selling out his family to a dealer that deals with dragon eggs selling them on the black market. I hope I can get this information out soon some day to the ministry as I'm working up enough evidence to lead him into getting caught. Then again, I still might take matters into my own hands, as I don't want anyone else to be taken in by the likes of this dealer. I'm going to make my move eventually, and I'm too young to even consider the consequences of my actions. I'll slowly undermine "One-eyed" Jack's efforts one step at a time.

I am going to be the cockroach underneath his shoe that crawls back up to bite when he's least expecting it, now I must sign off as I'm about to be chased away by some guards while writing this under a restricted section in Germany. Toodles.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 10

July 18th, 2008
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So, as I was saying earlier, I would only write in here when I got time, well I found that I just remembered what today was when I happened to end up in London again for the first time in a while. One of my clients requested to meet me in person, but this time they didn't know my true identity, I must be more careful around the types that need to know what I look like by my face. Donning the same death-eater's mask as before I hoped this visit would go smoothly, however, little did I know I was staring at my father. Of course he knew right away that something was off about our meeting, and the fact I was a little emotional at having seen the grave I dug for my brother moved to a different area.

Guess they figured out that I would notice that if I ever visited again, but rumors of my name continued to spread. My father was wanting to hire me to take out this so-called dealer he that had killed my brother, however, I declined out of spite then stormed out of the house never wanting to be heard from again. My mother had just gotten home, wondering why a strange man was leaving the house and I had to say it, "That man in there is dealing with dangerous business, I'd find out what he is up to and get him to apologize for any of the evil deeds he has caused for this household." Then he apparated away without another word, there was a look of shock on my mother's face as I disappeared. A part of me was rejoicing in joy for having told someone about it.

Sooner or later, my father would realize who I was, but it was too late, the damage that I had caused was slowly going to topple that house like a pile of bricks. The grave had been nicely covered with some new patches of grass to hide the evidence of me having worked my blood and sweat into that grave. I'm furious and left them a present too, my mother scolding my father about the dark business he's in, and hopefully he'll finally realize that his life is crumbling around him. If not, I've already started to topple the many dominoes that will end up causing him to loose the household too, only my mother will remain. Yet, she seems to have had an influence on him as well.

All the pictures of me within their house have been torn out or thrown into a pile to be burn just cause they still think it's my fault. When I reveal the truth to them, I'll have my friends with me to do so, and then then they'll be sorry for what they've done to me...Roland out.

NOTE: This page is also torn out, have fun trying to find it, you won't in the journal as it's now in Roland's pocket...the few pieces of information that actually make the rest of it make sense...haha.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 11

July 18th, 2009
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It's been a year since my last journal entry and having stopped my shaving, I think my beard has grown to it's full potential. Even after attempting to shave it a while ago, I found it easier to cope with since when I did, it got that much colder during the last winter I tried to cope without it. So, it keeps me warm, however, it itches to no end sometimes, yet I keep myself as clean as I can. I may look like a bum to some, but I shall come out of this a clean, fresh man after I take care of this business with my father's dealer. Yes, I have been forsaken, but I have started to tip many more dominoes in my favor.

Ever since that day I was brought back to my original origin of creation, that home is now no longer in existence. It seems I had caused my father to move to a higher place up in London, but my mother still stayed at the old house. As far as I know, they may have gotten divorced or else she stays at the empty house hoping I return sometime soon. I'm tempted to, but I have a feeling that it's a trap to lure me in to stop what I'm doing. Hell with that, they can't stop me now, I'm going to continue dragging this whole ordeal down. Then he will thank me for doing him a favor in return, and if he tries bringing up the death.

I will personally tear him a new one myself with no restraint, I have learned it's best to fear your son, than to intimidate them at times. Of course, I don't plan on earning his respect anymore, I lost mine for him when the incident happened. All I feel is pain, and loss that will only go away god knows when. I've tried forgetting, yet I always find myself thinking back to the incident every so often. Today is the anniversary of it, the second year one, and I finally found his gravestone. It had been moved near the London's courtyard about at least twenty miles away from my home. Luckily I was not spotted by anyone as I stood to mourn over the loss one last time. I probably won't return here ever again, and keep him forever in my thoughts.

It seems I've done my share of shedding my tears as I still feel the loss, but now I can move on without any guilt clouding my judgment...now I can put my plan into action finally. There are still at least thirty other people I need to topple over before heading towards the head honcho. I might write about each one, but most of them are illegal breeders as well. I came across a person hiding the fact he was trying to hatch a toad's egg underneath the chicken, and I remember doing my research about that. Cockatrices...not something that should go unnoticed, so I instantly smashed the egg and killed the chicken without remorse. Then I instantly rendered the guy immobile, and sent him fleeting to the ministry...I don't care if it's vigilante justice.

If they won't do a damn thing about these injustices, I will step in to take over for them when things are being done in the shadows they can't see. Yes, that would be the best way to put this, it's no longer revenge, I find it's my own sense of justice now, I will write again sometime soon. I must flee from the scene and leave no evidence of being here.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 12

July 18th, 2010
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The second wizarding war was over so long ago now, but I had been eight at the time. It seems I keep reminding myself this wasn't my fault, and the same day haunts me in my night-mares, I find myself sleeping less and less. There are bags underneath my eyes, and the more I think about the past, the more I get stressed out. So I'm going to start moving forward and train my mind to forget certain things, block people out from reading them. My self-discipline will make me able to learn how to control my feelings instead of being read like a bible. Sometimes I wished I would have taken private lessons to learn legilimency, that would help me immensely.

Right now, I'm attempting to learn it on my own through the wilderness, but even there's a limit to how much I can take on at once. The animagus aspect of me was easy to figure out, however, there are still many other various areas I need to work on still. I have noticed a vast improvement in my skills and hunting down wanted wizards seems to keep my pockets full. Anonymously sending them in the best way to deal with some of them, but I like helping people it seems without being a dog of the Ministry. I like being on the run, and enjoying life freely without any hassles, there is no down time either. I keep on the move, and the jobs keep springing up as my name spreads throughout the entire region. "ROLO" is a renowned famous hit wizard, or so they say on the papers at times.

I am no such thing, but I will not take disgust at the name, more or less Vigilante Wizard might be the best way to describe how I act. I will not accept any interviews from anyone, and it helps that I can apparate anywhere, except, that ruins the point of walking to hone my skills in endurance. I can walk for at least 200 miles without breaking a sweat now, well I still do, but I can do it without panting heavily. All of this traveling seems to have taken a great toll on my body, and I plan on keeping it that way. I keep myself healthy and stay fit, so I wish the best of luck to anyone who may be using this as a keepsake. Know this, treasure your family, and never let them go, no matter what your parent's say. If it's your fault, don't run, confront them and rebel.

If you're not the rebellious type, well, then I can't suggest much, treasure your friends more than anyone in the world and never let them not know where you're going if you're going to be away. That's all I have for advice, and I am purposely going to drop this journal later on so I at least have a contact out there that will understand what I'm going through or try to comprehend how I feel about this whole ordeal. Happy Birthday Friend, I hope you love the new broom I got you, not that you'll get to ride it, but...it's the least I can do...for my departed friend. The grave that I found has not been decorated at all and the broom that was once on top had been removed. So I placed a newer one, and implanted in the ground with hexes along it so that if anyone tried moving it off they'd have their hands blown off.

Yes, I would do that to anyone who dares trifle with my dear friend's tomb, now I must be going again, I only find so much time in the world to write these, yet it's always on that same day...maybe I'll write one on a different day when it's not so depressing to even ramble about what's been going on with me.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 13

August 18th, 2010
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A month has gone by, yes a month, it's hard to imagine, but I figure that I would have surely gone insane even without my friends here. The personality I'm starting to develop is starting to take control of my life, and I'm trying so hard not to lose sense of reality. Even my mind becomes more animalistic if I stay in my tiger form for too long, and even then it's still risky changing to and from it a lot. Unable to control those kinds of situations, I hope there are other's who don't mourn their lost friends as much as I do. Yes, I have had quite the hard ships the last several years, but I'm enduring as much as I can. There is still so much to learn, and my travels haven't even came quite close to an end. Finally closing on my prey today, I realized that there was something else that was changing within me, the urge to kill. It was only a subtle hint, but I felt like I had lost my soul long ago. Torturing and tormenting me for days on end. Why does this world have to be so cruel? I just want the one thing back that I loved the most. Life is a living hell, and if this is how I am to be tested each time an even like this occurs, then why am I living? A man can only handle so much before he breaks down and cries himself to sleep at night.

Luckily, I have steeled away my emotions for the time being until the deed is done. I must lay out careful, extravagant plans for the person I am about to capture, and the employer is strict on not mentioning his name once more. I'm curious if I should even trust people like this, maybe I should just stop working for money and go all out on anyone that even knows of illegal trading. As I usually end up in the middle of some dispute over a black market issue, and I'm trying my best to stay undercover to undermine all the work they've created to stop people from even knowing about the black market. Even those eggs were very valuable when they were available, and I had actually collected a few. I gave them to generous owners who would raise them and then sell them back to the ministry of magic for a price. Of course, I was helping them make money as it was mainly the poor people that needed the gold, not me. I was just there to be a savior to those that I know would raise the creatures with care until giving them to actual dragon tamers.

Oh yes, I have plans for them later on if they decide to go the wrong route, and I will be watching them whether they know it or not. Considering I could be a guardian angel for those dragons, but it's mainly so they don't get into the illegal trading either. For now, I am remaining concealed among their many numbers to keep up on the progress, but it's hard to apparate without being noticed at all. I find it hard in general to fit in with the many other breeders, but I try my best so I can take them down when I find the most opportune moment to take them away from their illegal dealings. The most recent guy I drug in, well he was a little more insane than usual to say the least, but I doubted that any of these people are sane when dealing with magical creatures in general. Some would rather view their creatures more than they would their own species, which sickens me to the point they deserve to be thrown into Azkaban. Or even worse, off a cliff where no one needs to hear about their antics ever again. Finally, I had enough of this business, and I have now made it my personal goal to make sure these eggs get to decent owners.

Yes, if I find a hatchery, I will set it up so it reaches dragon tamers that are certified to be such, and no one else will ever get to use them again. I fear that this is my journey, and it's going to hopefully be coming to an end soon.

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[rolandmendraka]

Page 14

July 18th, 2013
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The past, why does it haunt me so? I've been over this with myself so many times, but every night I constantly torment myself thinking I would have been better off if my friends had come when I needed them. To my dismay I find that being alone has lead me to many other trains of thought, like suicide, however, I know that taking my own life won't cure anything. Once again, I'm stuck at a crossroads and I don't feel like going either way as my dreams always take me to the edge of reality. Seeing myself as a predator when I could easily just keep my mind more focused on the main aspects of my life. Revenge seems so far away now, but retribution will always be what it is. Ah well, now all I really have is this journal depicting every day events.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I was supposed to be writing something intelligible in here instead of gibberish. Where on Earth are my manners for my readers? Although, I wouldn't doubt that when I dispose of this journal, which was my plan from the beginning. I'm starting to grow more and more fond of having it by my side due to being able to read over my past adventures. At least I know I won't be a boring character in the history of this time period, and besides that. I've also made many headlines on so many papers labeling me as, "Rolo, the rogue mercenary wizard who gives many other wizards of his kind around a good name by taking out dark wizards or illegal black trade dealers," although I won't testify to it since that would just out me right away.

Once more, I am at a loss of what to make of this day, but it seems to have no significant impact on my life either. Writing a letter to my mother or dead father should be enough to get my message through...oh yes, I forgot to mention. My father has always been dead to me...ever since I found out he had created this false lie around my family to continue conspiring with the illegal underground traders dealing with dragon eggs. Having stopped that operation a while ago, I refuse to go on the run anymore. Some day I will have to atone for my sins, but I will do it gladly in the hands of the Ministry, since I deserve no less. After all, how much paperwork have I caused them lately? Well, I don't have much to say today, this one was just ranting in general since I haven't had a good job in a couple years, but I will talk to you soon again. My solitary reason to live is you, Alexis, but I doubt you will ever read this unless I bring it to you.

I can't help myself sometimes, but ever since I met her I really had a hard time thinking of anyone else. If this is as close to a love letter I can get, I regret not bringing you along every single day I've been gone...I'm afraid I cried all my tears out for my brother. Although, the people I have met will always be forever in my heart whether I live through his ordeal or not. Night is settling in now on my encampment and I have a new job starting up within a year...so I only hope this one isn't as messy as the last two.

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