never felt such pain ~ blake

[ALARICA ISOBEL AMETHYST]

{SWEET LOVE, SWEET LOVE}
{ - - - - -TRAPPED IN YOUR LOVE- - - - - }
I'VE OPENED UP, UNSURE I CAN TRUST, MY HEART AND I WERE BURIED IN DUST

she packed up her bag slower than everyone else, upset still pressed heavily upon her heart and influenced every movement. she'd been off 'ill' for several days now, and she couldn't afford to miss any more classes .. she'd missed enough lessons already. she hadn't really been ill... well, she'd felt too awful to go to lessons which she counted as ill, and alarica was someone who didn't skive lessons without good reason. ever since finding out about being adopted things had hit her hard, and whilst usually she was someone who could bounce back from these sorts of things, but then....but then the worst had happened, and that had hit her worse than anything. she'd suddenly felt like she was drowning, and the next morning after barely sleeping, she'd woken up earlier than usual with a headache, aching limbs, and a fever. some stress induced thing that would pass in a couple of days.

well she'd gotten tired of wallowing, and dragged her ass back to class. he wasn't worth it... after everything, surely he wasn't worth feeling so awful over. if he could treat her so badly, then he wasn't worth it. the thing was her heart still ached for him, her mind still missed him, still brought him to the front of her mind on a daily basis and it hurt. blake... that was what had really kicked at her when she'd already been down. she'd turned for him for comfort, for safety and the idea that things would be okay.. that he was there for her, hell that he loved her even as she loved him. and what had he done? backed off, called her a mudblood and run... she could have dealt with that.. eventually.. it was one thing to hear a nasty word from the mouth of your lover.. the mouth you'd kissed over and over and thought you would never meet someone so gentle and yet passionate and strong and perfect...

..but what had really finished her off was hearing the stories. how he'd been with other girls whilst with her, how he'd seen her as a game.. a long term game it seemed, to try and get into her pants. that had really stung, especially the knowledge that she had been ready to give herself to him as well. she'd come to realise that the blake she'd thought she knew.. she really hadn't known at all. she'd thought she was falling for this sweet, lovable eighteen year old, a little rough around the edges perhaps, strong, protective and loveable. she'd really fallen for it, and that hurt worse of all... that made her angry...but it was also the fact that a part of her still loved him, still longed for him. stupid stupid girl...she was so damn stupid. frowning slightly she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, heading for the door several minutes after the last person had already left. she didn't care, she didn't know if she wanted to go to her next lesson now that blake had arisen in her thoughts once more she'd started to feel ill again...sighing she tried to remind herself of how pathetic she was, and she headed out the classroom and down the corridor...

- - -free me, free us. . . .
TAG##peps/blake
WORDS##meh
OUTFIT##meh
NOTES##
CREDIT##clipseys! and 'bound to you' - burlesque, christina aguilera

[/font]

[BLAKE KENNETH AVERY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://www.burbujasdeseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Alessandro+Di+Giulio+Hot+Hole+Mag+Burbujas+De+Deseo+06.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the moment of truth the entire situation of his past had been wrong. playing his games had been harmless, but then he'd been stupid enough to get attached... to let something deeper than his brain control his emotions, which was never wise. in fact... it was pretty much the first time blake had been affected in such a way. that should have set off warning bells in his brain right away that something wasn't right. something was miserably wrong. the thing was... blake was no longer sure exactly what had been so wrong about it. mudbloods were scum. pathetic imitations of real witches and wizards, the true power in the wizarding world. they, along with the dirt they were born from, tainted pure wizarding lines with their inferior genes. the wizarding world was going to crumble because their bloodlines weakened genes, crumbled perfectly good families from the inside out. they deserved to be wiped off of the face of the planet, though they'd already done far too much damage to ever be forgiven. it went without question that blake should not so much as associate to scum like that, let alone date one. it was a disgrace. but then... maybe the disgrace was his thoughts on it. it was what he'd been raised his entire life to believe... but alarica had been different. there had been something about her, something that blake could still not put his finger on (or perhaps did not want to put his finger on) that set the girl apart from everyone else he had ever encountered. and before he had known that she was 'inferior', she'd been perfectly normal. he'd enjoyed being around her, her presence had lightened his mood, made him smile... he'd even admit that he looked forward to seeing her just for the company she provided, nothing sexual about it. and now he'd fucked everything up. he didn't know a lot of what was right, of what he should be thinking. he didn't know why this was bugging him so much... she was just a girl. a mudblood girl. his mother had supported all his moves, all of his decisions... she'd assured him that getting rid of the mudblood was the best decision. he could feel his friends laughing at him behind him when it had been revealed that blake avery had dated a mudblood. and yet... he didn't care. he still missed her. it made no sense. he shouldn't miss her. she was just a girl. just a hufflepuff. just a mudblood. and yet... blake missed her. his mind strayed to her when it shouldn't, which was pretty much any time during the day. it didn't fucking make sense. he was leaning in one of the little alcoves in the wall along the hallway, one of those where happy couples could make out late into the evenings or (and likely the intended purpose) students could study. his potions book was leaned over his lap, open to a page he was staring at but not really reading. classes? unimportant. he could miss one or two. it wasn't like he could focus in classes, anyway. classes switched, students rushed by, and blake sat there in silence, eyes dazed and unfocused. the students rushed by, switching from class to class, and it was unsure if the seventh year moved even once. then things fell silent again... the hall he was sitting in wasn't a high traffic area, only used for a quick shortcut between a few classes, it generally quieted down quickly, as it had today. a few short seconds of noise, and then silence. until more footsteps came... a single person, and in the silence it was instinctive for blake to turn and glance quickly over his shoulder towards the approaching person. he barely saw her, red hair flaming, but the hair alone was enough to give her away. blake quickly retreated into the alcove, quiet, pretty certain that she probably hadn't even seen him... and when she was nearer, his move was instinctive. the seventh year's books were abandoned as he blocked off her past, grabbing her wrist (honestly trying to be gentle, but still firm) and tugged her into a nearby empty classroom, closing the door behind them as he placed himself in front of the door, trapping the fifth year in the room. and then he was lost. stuck with no words to say as he looked at her, completely frozen. shit, what had he just done? why had he just done it? she was a mudblood. he shouldn't be here. he should leave. but instead he didn't move, staring at her in silence, unable to find any words to say. there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[ALARICA ISOBEL AMETHYST]

{SWEET LOVE, SWEET LOVE}
{ - - - - -TRAPPED IN YOUR LOVE- - - - - }
I'VE OPENED UP, UNSURE I CAN TRUST, MY HEART AND I WERE BURIED IN DUST

alarica hadn't noticed blake in the alcove up ahead. if she had she probably would have turned around and fled before he could spot her, before she could have a chance to really notice him, to let him invade her mind as he had done every day since he'd called her such a nasty name. honestly she'd only just found out herself she was muggleborn and he'd been the first to fling the name at her.. and already not the last. though it sounded less harsh coming out of everyone else's mouth. still, she'd managed to do a great job of avoiding the seventh year so far - spending several days in bed the first week had helped, and then when she'd returned to classes she'd ensured she simply when there, back and then headed back to her dorm.. skipping most meals and occasionally just grabbing food from the kitchens when she got hungry enough.

maybe it was stupid but she couldn't help it, she was scared to see him.. scared because everything him hurt her right now, and hell even made her angry. he'd had no right to do what he'd done to her. no right. it wasn't fair. but alas she hadn't noticed him.. maybe if she had she would have stormed up to him anyway, maybe she'd have slapped him like a slight part of her desperately wanted to, maybe she'd have shouted like a part of her said she should.. maybe she'd cry... that scared her. she didn't want to break down in front of him, she didn't want him to see her weak and vulnerable, see the damage he'd done to her, see how much he'd really hurt her.. then he'd think he'd won. they'd he'd think it'd all been worth it. no if she faced him, she needed to be strong, to lift her chin and show him how wrong he really was.

she didn't think anyone else was around right now, she'd thought she could walk in peace, her head down, clutching the strap of her bag as she figured she'd go back to the common room and get on with some revision. that was when she felt someone grab her arm suddenly and out of fear she tried to leap backward and tear her arm out of the grip. it didn't work... the guy was too firm, too strong and she winced as all she succeeded in doing was bruising her arm. "hey!" she cried out with indignation, struggling for a moment, confused as she was suddenly half shoved unceremoniously into a nearby classroom. fear clawed at her as she turned to face the guy, wondering what the hell was going on and what he wanted from her.. then she froze. no... no not him....why was he doing this to her... what the hell did he want from her?!

she couldn't help but grit her teeth, grinding her jaw slightly as she felt something snap. after everything... the way he'd just pushed her in here without a word then stood there staring at her? what did he want! she was surprised at the burst of anger she felt at him. "oh what? because you never got what you wanted from me you're going to make me or something?" the voice that spoke did not sound like her, it was almost a snarl and the nastiness of it shocked her to the core. she had never been a nasty person, never been mean or cruel... and yet here she was implying something horrible about a guy she was still in love with. she swallowed hard past the sudden lump in her throat and tried to glare at him. "move." she said, the simple word cold and filled with anger at everything.. at what he'd done to her, at what he'd made her. when he simply stood there she stepped forward, filled with anger she pushed her hands at his chest, angry now more at the way she felt the tears flood her eyes. "i said move!" her voice cracked, less angry, more upset suddenly as everything just came crashing down on her again and when she realised she wasn't going to get her own way she backed off, turning her back on him and walking away several steps, pressing her hand to her mouth to try and stop the sobs. "d-damn you... d-damn you for doing this to me." she managed to say, wishing she could sound that much stronger through the tears...


- - -free me, free us. . . .
TAG##peps/blake
WORDS##meh
OUTFIT##meh
NOTES##<3
CREDIT##clipseys! and 'bound to you' - burlesque, christina aguilera

[/font]

[BLAKE KENNETH AVERY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://www.burbujasdeseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Alessandro+Di+Giulio+Hot+Hole+Mag+Burbujas+De+Deseo+06.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the moment of truth "what?" the horror from such an idea affected even a guy like blake. his eyes widened. he felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. okay, maybe he deserved a jab, but a jab like that? did she honestly think he could do that to her? the thought of doing that to anyone... he couldn't. he played his games with girls and threw them away, yeah, and he might pressure them when he was growing tired of games (which, to some, might be just as bad)... but full out rape? never. "you- you actually think that i'm capable of... of that?" there were two ways that he could respond, really... the first would be what his family would want him to say, something like 'please, i can do better than a filthy mudblood.', but what really came out of blake's mouth was far different, his tone making his horror at the thought rather clear: "god, no, ally. i would never!" she wanted to be far away from him, and blake didn't blame her. he didn't even understand why he'd brought her here, alone, with no one else around... he shouldn't be near her at all, whether there were witnesses to a 'blood-traitorous' act or not. but still the eighteen year old couldn't budge, standing stubbornly against the door, practically oblivious to her words. he took a step back into her shove, back pressed against the cool wood of the door, but her force wasn't much at all to the stronger teen. his words still failed him. what the hell would his parents say if they knew he was here? his mother might have him committed to st. mungo's for insanity. she was a mudblood. an insistent voice in the back of his brain reminded him of that fact every second, and yet with each second that passed blake found that he just didn't care right now. this was what he'd done to her... everything in blake screamed that he shouldn't care, except for the thing that made him care. 'heart breaking' was not a term blake would have ever considered to use to describe himself in any situation, not even when the man he'd idolized for seventeen years was carted off to azkaban, but he felt miserable right now. this shouldn't affect him... alarica was not the only girl who had shed tears over him. he'd played harsher games with other girls, leading them on, crushing them for his own amusement... but this was the first time he really regretted his actions. there was a reason he'd kept the 'games' going for as long as he had, a reason he'd actually entered a relationship with her rather than just toying with her without any spoken ties, and that was the same reason that this little meeting was happening. if she knew, his mother would kill him, but looking at his ex's shaking figure, back turned against him, blake didn't really care. "shit... ally, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[ALARICA ISOBEL AMETHYST]

{SWEET LOVE, SWEET LOVE}
{ - - - - -TRAPPED IN YOUR LOVE- - - - - }
I'VE OPENED UP, UNSURE I CAN TRUST, MY HEART AND I WERE BURIED IN DUST

"what?" he was right to sound horrified, she'd implied something awful, something alarica would never really mean, would never usually even think. she knew there was not a guy in hogwarts that would consider rape...pressuring perhaps, as she had no doubt blake might have wanted to try on her if it'd thought it'd get anywhere - which it actually might have considering how she felt about him, considering the kind of guy she'd thought he'd been. but full rape? no she didn't think any guy in the school would ever go that far. "you- you actually think that i'm capable of... of that?" she sighed, the sound almost regretful as she paused then shook her head, pausing to let him think she may have been thinking, when really she knew the truth. "no..." she said softly, no malice, no lie.. she knew he wouldn't do that.

but she'd wanted to take a jab at him, she'd wanted to hurt him, lash out with her tongue, to make him feel even an infestimal amount of agony that she felt over all of this...she'd wanted him to know how it felt. she wished she could have meant it, wished she could let fly horrible words about just what he was, but she couldn't...she couldn't hurt him, she wasn't that kind of person. she felt bad enough after saying that even if he did deserve some sort of hurt...hell if that had even made a dent in his apparently impenetrably cold mask. she'd heard things about the real blake...about how he liked to mess with young girls, how he was a pureblood through and through, how his whole family were pureblood's. she'd learnt a little about the avery's, but not much. a part of her deep down had felt bad that he'd been brought up to view the world as he had, to see muggleborn's like her, impurities, as scum...but she'd still hurt when he'd called her that name. that was why she wished she could mean what she said...wished she could be as cold and mean it as he'd meant it when he'd called her mudblood.

"god, no, ally. i would never!" she said nothing, she knew he wouldn't but she felt her heart wrench. the horror in his tone...perhaps seemed too true. if he was so heartless why would he care what she said? why hadn't he laughed at her? she was so confused. she barely made an impact when she pushed at him, and she quickly dropped her hands, the contact made her long for him, yearn for him once more and that made her weak...so she dropped the contact and turned away, her back to him, not wanting him to be able to see the way she seemed to crumple, the way she seemed to literally break. this was too much, everything was too much. he wasn't just 'a boy' he was the boy...she'd pinned everything on him, thought that maybe this was a guy she could go all the way with - not just physically but in the sense of seeing him after hogwarts, of living with him..hell maybe even marrying him...maybe that had been stupid of her, hell certainly naive, but she'd thought about it here and there...wondered about it. she'd been in love with him and still was...and then he'd just snapped everything. broken her.

she pressed her hand to her mouth, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to choke her. she really didn't know what he wanted, didn't know why he was here. was he tried more games with her? or did he really feel guilty? she didn't know. "shit... ally, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." she shook her head and couldn't help but spin around to face him, sniffing and wiping roughly at her eyes, hating the weak way she cried like this in front of him. he was probably doing a mental victory dance as they spoke. "but that r-really doesn't mean anything d-does it." she choked out, swallowing and exhaling slowly to cry and calm down. sorry might have been okay coming out someone else's mouth but from him? "god blake you think you can say 'sorry' and that makes everything okay? that makes all the shit that you did hurt less!?" she burst out, more despairing than anything, hating the way she swore like that and looking away as her eyes filled once more. she raked her hands through her auburn hair, confused, upset, messed up. "i don't u-understand what you want..why are you doing this?! is this another game? i don't unders-s-stand.." there came the sobs and she staggered back a couple of steps until her legs hit the wood of a desk, where she let herself half fall onto, raising her hands up to bury her face within them.

- - -free me, free us. . . .
TAG##peps/blake
WORDS##meh
OUTFIT##meh
NOTES##<3
CREDIT##clipseys! and 'bound to you' - burlesque, christina aguilera

[/font]

[BLAKE KENNETH AVERY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://www.burbujasdeseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Alessandro+Di+Giulio+Hot+Hole+Mag+Burbujas+De+Deseo+06.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the moment of truth "but that r-really doesn't mean anything d-does it." no, it didn't. there was no way he could expect it to, not after the things he'd said to her and the way he'd just abandoned her, probably when she needed him most. who knew what she'd heard about him since... when he was with her she might have been blind to who he really was, who knew, but once she was away from him she would have been free to let the rest of the information around the school about him seep into her brain. if you were searching for things to hate about blake, the gossips in hogwarts were an excellent place to find such information. though, were they gossips if the things they said about him, though certainly negative, were entirely true? "god blake you think you can say 'sorry' and that makes everything okay? that makes all the shit that you did hurt less!?" he cringed, and still for the life of him couldn't understand why. he shouldn't care! she was just a mudblood. she hated him? good. he hated her, too. he wanted to see her hurt. he wanted to see her more than hurt! ...right? the only reason he should be in this room with her was to torment her further, to hurt her more, to want to see her sob and want to see her hate his existance. he'd done it to mudbloods before. there was an arsenal of hateful words at his disposal, waiting to be launched in her direction... but not a single sound came out of his mouth. it was weird to blake to be like this. well, clearly it was weird for him to be like this, but at the moment he was referring to specifically being speechless. cool, confident blake avery was never at a loss for words. if he couldn't talk he could insult, if he couldn't insult he could yell, if he couldn't yell he could charm, and if he couldn't charm he could talk. a never-ending cycle that never left him with nothing to say. and yet he couldn't think of a single word to speak to her, unsure of what he even wanted to speak to her. dammit! why was he like this around her? she was just a girl. just a stupid little naive girl! "i don't u-understand what you want..why are you doing this?! is this another game? i don't unders-s-stand.." 'another game'... so she knew that part of things. wonderful. one more thing to add to the list of reasons that she should hate him, not that he should really care... but he did. he wanted to explain. he needed to explain... but first his damn mouth had to move and the right words to say had to come magically soaring to his brain. the seventh year bit his lip as she slumped against the desk, instincts telling him to go over and hold her, comfort her... those shouldn't be his instincts. that wasn't the way he was raised, not to mention that they would get him slapped. blake stood, frozen by the door, hands clenching and unclenching in tight fists as he stared at her, mouth dry. "i-" speak dammit! "it's not a game, ally. it's... it's the truth. i don't want to see you hurt. i don't want to be the one to hurt you." too late, clearly. he was usually so collected, so smooth... why now, of all times, were the right words failing him? "please, just... just listen to me. five minutes. less. two minutes. that's all i want, and then you can go, okay?" there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[ALARICA ISOBEL AMETHYST]

{SWEET LOVE, SWEET LOVE}
{ - - - - -TRAPPED IN YOUR LOVE- - - - - }
I'VE OPENED UP, UNSURE I CAN TRUST, MY HEART AND I WERE BURIED IN DUST

when he remained silent she was glad that he seemed to understand the truth in her words. glad that he accepted them. sorry was just a word really, sure sometimes it could mean the difference between forgiveness and anger, sometimes it could salvage a situation or a relationship... but what the hell did it mean here? after what she'd thought blake was, and what he'd turned out to be, why would he say it and it mean anything? it didn't feel like anything, it didn't make her feel better because she didn't feel like he really meant it, it didn't feel like he cared.. she was too used to thinking of him as one face, and she'd suddenly been told and shown the real face... how did she know if this was him or the mask? it was just a word.. another word like all those others he'd said to her. beautiful.. babe... had he meant any of those? she didn't even want to ask for fear he'd say no.

it all buckled down to trust in essence.. she'd trusted him with everything, with her life... and to turn around and find out that he was not the man she'd thought had ripped that trust in two. shattered it. how did he expect to say sorry and have everything okay ? did he think that saying those words meant she wasn't hurting anymore? suddenly wanted to shove him against the wall and jump into his boxers? she just kept coming back to the idea that this was all another game to him. she didn't know what was worse, yelling at him or his silence. she couldn't decide if she wanted him to talk or if she just wanted him to stand there and shut up. she didn't know if she could stand the quiet, or if she'd just want him to stop talking if he started. she just couldn't figure out what he wanted, what this was all about. she was tired, she felt sick, confused, upset, she just had no idea how to get this mess sorted...

she didn't see him cringe but she probably would have found it confusing. cringe would have made her think he was being serious, that he generally felt bad...but how could that be? why the hell would he give a damn about her. she was a 'mudblood' right? scum? a stupid innocent naive little fifteen year old hufflepuff. that was clearly how he saw her wasn't it? just a game? just another notch on the belt. she didn't even want to think about how many girls there had been before..and well hell even whilst he'd been going out with her. that stung but it was just the tip of the ice berg really wasn't it. such a mess. everything was just such a mess and she couldn't help collapsing onto the desk. what she needed was someone to hold her right now, someone to pull her close and tell her it was okay and help her sort her head out. yet the one person she would have turned to in this situation was blake.. and ironically enough he was the reason she was like this right now.

still he remained silent, and she almost begged him to say something now. why shut her in this room and barely speak? to witness his destruction, to really see the damage he'd done so he could picture it whenever he needed a really good laugh? to show off how he'd won? to gloat? to torture her? she didn't understand. "i-" she heard him and she didn't look up from her hands, shaking her head. he what? he was 'sorry'.. he thought this was 'funny'? what the hell was he trying to say?! "it's not a game, ally. it's... it's the truth. i don't want to see you hurt. i don't want to be the one to hurt you." she frowned and her head shot up, hands dropping to her lap with a small thud. "what the hell?" she exclaimed, incredulous. "you don't want to see me hurt? it's not a game? jesus i might be stupid but i'm not that stupid. all this was to you was a game! all you saw in me was a night between the sheets and then something to throw aside. so don't stand there and tell me it wasn't your intention to hurt me, to use me or to play me like some video game, because we both know that's a down right lie." she snapped. how dare he! of course he'd done this to hurt her, why the hell else would he have done what he'd done? called her what he'd done?! "please, just... just listen to me. five minutes. less. two minutes. that's all i want, and then you can go, okay?" she was already shaking her head and going to stand, pacing slightly between the desks. "no just let me out, i don't want to hear your lies anymore and i don't think i should have to. they still hurt blake." saying his name was like a knife in her heart... and though she still loved him right now she hated him for this... for making her so stupid and so weak.. for making her still want him, still want to believe him...


- - -free me, free us. . . .
TAG##peps/blake
WORDS##meh
OUTFIT##meh
NOTES##<3
CREDIT##clipseys! and 'bound to you' - burlesque, christina aguilera

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[BLAKE KENNETH AVERY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://www.burbujasdeseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Alessandro+Di+Giulio+Hot+Hole+Mag+Burbujas+De+Deseo+06.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the moment of truth he needed to get out of here. he needed to turn tail, throw the door open, escape into the hallway and retreat to the safety of the slytherin commons area with sane respectful people. not a mudblood. not a hufflepuff. not a stupid, stupid little girl who shouldn't have any power in anyone's life, least of all his. he had to back off before he did something that he would forever regret... but then the question arose: what exactly was it that he had the potential to forever regret? talking to a mudblood, apologizing, changing his opinion and turning his back on the traditional beliefs of his family and everyone they associated with... or not doing exactly that? the world had changed. he knew that. his family's views were unpopular, even with families like the malfoy family who had once been among the steadiest purist relations alive. blood purists were a dying breed, and in today's day and age it would take a huge upheaval to make their opinions legitimate and accepted once more. there were few things drastic enough to bring back blood purists opinions into popularity... it was far more likely that, eventually, they would die out. but blake should not be the one to let them die out. he was the last pureblooded avery man, the last to carry on his family's name, their status, everything. he couldn't go soft, he couldn't be friends with a fucking mudblood. he couldn't want to be friends or anything but enemies with a mudblood. his father would kill him if he knew where blake was right now. tear him limb from limb, leave his broken body parts in the darkest, deepest cell in azkaban where no one could find him, where people would forget blake kenneth avery ever existed. he was crazy to be here. "what the hell?" he kept his expression steady, frozen, unchanged though internally he was cringing again. the anger in her voice... he'd never heard it until today, really. he'd left too quickly to hear it when he had discovered the truth in the tower, and he'd been careful to never give her a reason to hate him before that, when she had been a game that he didn't want to ruin. "you don't want to see me hurt? it's not a game? jesus i might be stupid but i'm not that stupid. all this was to you was a game! all you saw in me was a night between the sheets and then something to throw aside. so don't stand there and tell me it wasn't your intention to hurt me, to use me or to play me like some video game, because we both know that's a down right lie." it was probably stress- it was definitely stress, but with every word the girl spoke an anger rose within blake's chest. he was a slytherin, after all. cold, calculating, brutal. he wasn't perfect, could never claim to be, and like any human he was bound to be frustrated in certain situations. "it's not a fucking lie!" he burst out, hand clenching into a tight fist at his side. the urge to hit something was nearly overwhelming, but the moment he noticed the tension in his hand he glanced down to his palm, grimacing as he slowly unwound his fingers, flexing them, trying to calm down. he shouldn't yell... that wasn't exactly something that made what he said seem believable. "no just let me out, i don't want to hear your lies anymore and i don't think i should have to. they still hurt blake." he was literally shaking, but what emotion fuelled the tremor he wasn't sure. he remained still, unmoving. he was not going to get away from the door. not that easily. she needed to listen to him. "i-..." the slytherin ran his hand through his hair again, teeth clenched. "i can't. not until you at least listen to me, or pretend to. not until i give you the opportunity to listen. please, ally. you weren't a game to me. okay, so in the beginning you were and i wanted nothing more from you but my fun, but after a while, well, you were different from the other girls. way different, and i-" he cut himself off, mentally groaning. why couldn't he think of what to say? he was always so smooth when speaking... so charming... where the hell was that charm now, when he needed it most? "i don't blame you for hating me. it's probably best, but you need to know, i need you to know, that i'm sorry for reacting the way i did. i don't expect you to understand why, so i won't explain, but i really am sorry." there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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[ALARICA ISOBEL AMETHYST]

{SWEET LOVE, SWEET LOVE}
{ - - - - -TRAPPED IN YOUR LOVE- - - - - }
I'VE OPENED UP, UNSURE I CAN TRUST, MY HEART AND I WERE BURIED IN DUST

she didn't understand any of this.. why he was here, why he was locking her in here like this. was it just to torture her some more? he hadn't gloated, not once, which was confusing for her.. shouldn't he be gloating right now? or did he want to try and play with her again..get her back to him so he could mess around with her some more. that didn't make sense though, if he'd made her some game why would he purposefully walk out of it and make it hard to get her back? especially after everything was in the open and she would know. as well as the fact that now, she was shown to be a muggleborn, why would he play with her more and risk his reputation? none of this was making any sense.. she didn't know what to think and it was wearing at her anger, bringing tears back to her wide and hurtful eyes.

she could see he was dealing with some internal issue, a part of her, the part that still loved him, begged to reach out, to touch his arm, to pull him into a hug and talk to him about things.. but that other part, the part that was in pain because of how he'd been playing her, refused to let her comfort him. he should be the one comforting her, the one saying sorry, not her, and so she bit her tongue and stopped herself. she snapped slightly at him, uncharacteristic for her even she would admit it. snapping like that, cursing, was so shocking for her that she came out of it a little.. just enough to see him cringe, and it surprised her. surprised her that she could be so angry, that she could make him cower like this. a part of her disliked it, alarica was not an angry person for a reason...because she didn't like hurting people, another part of her felt better for getting this out, for hurting him back so that he could feel something. she knew .. she was only this angry..because she really had fallen in love with him.

she knew she'd angered him from the way his eyes hardened - she might not have known the real blake but she'd still come to read him.. or at least, read whatever act he'd been putting on, otherwise she'd have realised he was playing her months ago. "it's not a fucking lie!" she flinched at his furious swear. she'd always hated swear words, but she still stood her ground, damn him if he thought he could take control of this entire conversation and have it his way. she saw his hands clenching and for one terrified moment she thought he might try to hit her, and she took a staggering step back, fear clear in her eyes. before she'd have said he could never hit her, never hurt her, now she was scared, now she knew that the blake she'd fallen in love with wasn't blake, she didn't know how to react. she relaxed only after he'd unclenched his fists, a part of her knowing that even if she didn't know the real blake.. could he honestly hit her?

she wanted out, and she told him so, trying to step forward, not daring to get to close to him. her anger was fading out, and once more hurt throbbed right in her heart. she couldn't look at him and her gaze trained to the floor. "i-..." she sighed, an exhausted sigh, and dragged her gaze up to meet him, "you what blake." tears were thick in her throat once more, causing it hard to talk as they welled in her eyes, threatening to spill over. "i can't. not until you at least listen to me, or pretend to. not until i give you the opportunity to listen. please, ally. you weren't a game to me. okay, so in the beginning you were and i wanted nothing more from you but my fun, but after a while, well, you were different from the other girls. way different, and i-" she flinched as he called her aly..why did he have to use the nickname? was he joking or did he mean it? "so... how much of you...is the blake i though i knew? when did this just...stop being a game?" she was hesitant.. part of her wanted to believe him, part of her did see the sincerity... she just wasn't sure.

"i don't blame you for hating me. it's probably best, but you need to know, i need you to know, that i'm sorry for reacting the way i did. i don't expect you to understand why, so i won't explain, but i really am sorry." she swallowed and shook her head slightly, glancing at him hesitantly. "i don't...hate you." she said as much as she hated herself she couldn't hate him. "i still love you blake.. that's why it hurts so much.." she raked a hand through her hair and looked away...not exactly the way she wanted to say she loved him for the first time. "i don't know i... " she sighed and glanced at him. "it's so hard...to think you know someone, then ..after all that.. and now you're saying that some of that was you... i just," she slumped against the nearest desk, needing to sit. "you see why i'm finding this so hard? i don't know what to believe anymore i .." she ran a hand over her face and shut her eyes, tired and full of high emotions right now, but she wasn't angry anymore.. and she was finally starting to listen to him, to maybe think that what she'd been told by others wasn't all true... she was confused, upset, tired of being messed around right now.. she just needed to hear the truths from now.

- - -free me, free us. . . .
TAG##peps/blake
WORDS##meh
OUTFIT##meh
NOTES##
CREDIT##clipseys! and 'bound to you' - burlesque, christina aguilera

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[BLAKE KENNETH AVERY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 600px; background-image: url(http://www.burbujasdeseo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Alessandro+Di+Giulio+Hot+Hole+Mag+Burbujas+De+Deseo+06.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius:100px 100px 100px 100px; border: 3px solid #ffffff;] the moment of truth blake had always had a temper on him. the slytherin had been raised to believe that when things weren't going your way, a bit of 'persuasion' or otherwise force would be perfectly fine to make others see things your way. intimidation was a very effective tool, especially when you were built as blake was. the guy didn't exactly have the best role model of how to control his temper, as made obvious by his father's current position in life. if you were at point a, and you wanted something from point b, which was more convenient- take the 'gentle' way from point a to c to b, or did you cut through all of the bullshit by any means possible to get your end result sooner? simple was effective, and effective was what blake wanted. but... not around ally. he couldn't use the same tactics he might to his usual victims on her because he didn't want her to be 'just another victim'. he needed to keep his head on his shoulders if there was any hope of salvaging at least a casual acquaintanceship. "so... how much of you...is the blake i though i knew? when did this just...stop being a game?" it wasn't quite an opening to a conversation, but blake would gladly take the little questions. anything to stall her chucking him out the door, making him swear to never return. it was harder to answer than he might have anticipated, though, because blake really had no clue what to say. when had the game stopped, and real emotions began? he couldn't tell. he hadn't even been really aware of it at the time, though looking back there were sure hints here and there that he had been too stubborn to notice. "i... i don't know," he frowned slightly. "i don't know when it really stopped... i guess i noticed at christmas. i like- liked being around you. just for the company, nothing more. just for you... it's never happened before." "i don't...hate you." the seventh year blinked, surprise obvious on his face. she didn't? she had every reason to hate him. every one in the book, and then some specific to the damage he must have caused her personally. blood purists and mudbloods hated each other. there were no exceptions to that rule. none. ever. "i still love you blake.. that's why it hurts so much.." and if the admission of 'unhate' hadn't shocked him enough, that definitely did the trick. it was a word they'd never used before, not one that blake hadn't heard from girls before, but not like this... ally was different in all ways from any one of those girls. he didn't know what to think, what to make of her admission, or how to respond. he was so caught up in his own thought process that most of the rest of her words went unheeded until the seventh year finally tuned back in for "you see why i'm finding this so hard? i don't know what to believe anymore i .." there was silence for a few moments as blake tried to sort through his own thoughts, debating with the voice in his mind that still insisted he turn, pull open the door, and leave without speaking a single new word to the mudblood. but that voice was fighting a losing battle. his heart was set on talking to her, for whatever good it might do, and he wasn't going to move an inch until that happened. "i'm done with the lies, ally. those and the half truths, there's no more of them, i swear. i know you can't just magically believe me, but... anything you want to know and anything i say, it'll be the truth. i promise." there can be only one mikey! of caution 2.0

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